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Friday, May 30, 2014

Yeah, yeah, I know...

We're supposed to be tolerant. We're supposed to be accepting of all things kink, even if they're not our thing. We're supposed to be PC, even when we're engaging in non-PC activity. 

I try, kids. I really, really do. But every now and then, something so profoundly upsets me, I just have to get it off my chest.

This week on FetLife, I reposted an old piece of writing from about five years ago, a tongue-in-cheek PSA about "proper behavior during a spanking." When I'd originally posted it, FetLife was fairly new, and I had a lot of friends who hadn't seen it, so I bumped it back up into the feed.

Wow. I didn't expect to see such an explosion of appreciation. To date, it has 1,171 "Loves," hundreds of comments, and it made the top tier of the Kinky & Popular page. Very gratifying.

As is often the case when one posts something well-liked on Fet, one gets a flurry of new friend requests. And as always, if I don't recognize the name, I go look at the profile.

Yesterday, I got one such request. The user name, which I won't repeat here, raised red flags immediately, but I went to look anyway. And then I read the profile of a man that was filled with misogynistic, hateful, degrading rhetoric. It went way beyond male dominant/female submissive descriptions -- basically, it was a treatise on how women are worthless scum, here solely for his entertainment.

Want an example? Here you go.

When a pet pushes herself to earn my favor, I can get to care and see after her... but that won't stop me from treating her like dirt I scrape from my shoe, or make her lick said filth from my boot if the mood strikes me, so don't ever hold your breath for me to show my "appreciation" towards you.
It'll probably come in the shape of a slap and harsh hair pulling, maybe even spit on your face and smear it with my hand to ruin your makeup you put very carefully to look so sexy mmmh… just for me to make you end up looking like a cheap disgraceful whore, with tears and cum running down your cheeks along with your expensive mascara {evil smile}.
His photos weren't much better. One had a naked woman crawling next to a dog cage, wearing a butt plug attached to a length of chain, which he had in his hand, and he was ordering her back in the cage. The caption: "Who let the sluts out?"

Yeah, I know. Some women like this. Some people get off on this.  My question is: Why the hell did this guy send me a friend request? Did he not read my profile? Was there anything in there that even hinted that I like to play this way? 

I hit "reject." And then I wished I could reject it again, and again and again and again. 

Oh, and regarding the comments on my writing -- 99% of them were positive, and recognized the piece for what it was: humor. But the occasional Uber-Dom had to drop by and spew testosterone, talking about what should be done with me. One guy said I sounded like a PITA brat. (That's Pain In The Ass, y'all.) Oh yeah? Well, you sound like a PITA top, pal. Fuck off.

And then there was this guy:

Mmm... good way to find yourself bound, imobilised and gagged.
By all means scream and kick and fight - Im bigger, meaner and a sadist - go right ahead, you`ll wear yourself out before Im even out of breath.
Um... no. I won't. Because I would never bother engaging with the likes of you. Not just because you're too full of yourself, but you're too stupid to know that "Im" is not a word.

Argh. I guess this entry turned into a sort of CHoS, huh? So much for post-scene tranquility. I think I'm ready for Steve again.

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. Answer no they don't read profiles, my profile is spanking and I get a friend request with no message and u go and look at their its all about sex sex and maybe bbws which friend request to me are like exploding and messages saying ooo I want to spank that fat ass JEEZ Some guys they need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to read lol
    I am guessing the want to be friends with someone who made the top tier of k & p I guess it boosts their ego lol idk Makes me wonder if these guys act like this in real life :/ which I doubt it their probably little scared guys sitting behind their keyboard making them into something their not. of course im just guessing.
    My bad I haven't read it yet but will do that now, congrats.

  2. Sherri -- not your bad at all. I know you've had other things on your mind. (hugs)

  3. I'm NOT one of the people who enjoys receiving those types of messages or friend requests from people who engage in that form of "play", lifestyle, etc.
    And that uber dickhead basically threatened you with kidnapping by my perception.

  4. I guess th key issue is, whether one thinks TTWD presupposes or contradicts mutual respects and appreciation of the other's strength. I feel the former.

  5. Kelly -- meh; I'd like to see him try. :-)

    MrJ -- I would hope the former.

  6. Congratulations Erica on the notoriety. I know the gratifying feeling you speak of. Also, nice work on the "not here you won't" finger waging you gave those cretins.

    Your reference to FetLife is like the 10th I've come across recently and although I don't know exactly what it is, I can certainly imagine. So I know when I ask permission to look into it from my Mistress, is it a hook-up site or is it a place where like minded (well mostly like minded) people can interact? The latter would be ok, the former probably not.

    Keep killing it Erica!

  7. sub hub -- FetLife is not a hook-up site, although some people seem to think it is! :-) Are you familiar with Facebook? FetLife is, basically, Facebook for kinky people. It's a huge community where you make friends, post pictures and writings, comment on other people's stuff, write on each other's "walls," etc. Whereas Facebook has "like," FetLife has "love." Like Facebook, it can be a wonderful place, or like high school. It can be a lot of fun, or a tremendous waste of time. I have had a love/hate relationship with it for years.

  8. You are a spit fire & I LOVE you all the more for that! Clearly the dude did not read your profile & perhaps "reading"is a struggle for him as spelling & grammar are to the "Uber Dom" who thinks he could 'learn you something,' LOL!

    It never ceases to amaze me when I get friend requests from Daddy Doms looking for a babygirl. Even funnier when they message me :-)

    Peace & Hugs,
    MaMa Blue

    PS: That writing is HILARIOUS!

  9. MaMa -- (snort) Yeah, because all that stuff on your profile about being a fem domme is just a cover, right? *massive eye roll* Ah, such misguided souls...

  10. Lol, what a coincidence! I actually just read the post you are referencing in your blog archive today! I thought it was absolutely hilarious! :-)

  11. Jay -- heeee! Thanks! I'm sure you could tell I had a lot of fun writing that. :-)

  12. Ugh, this is why I deleted my Fetlife profile 5 years ago...when it was still fairly new. It was bad then; I can't imagine what it's like now. It's a kinky internet troll's dream.

  13. Autumn -- I do still like the community aspect. But yeah, there's a lot of trollage.

  14. This is why it took me forever to finally decide to do a Fetlife profile and grateful that it is totally under the radar. I only decided to get one so I'd have a better idea of events locally (and sadly there don't seem to be (m)any spankos in my part of the world) . Times like this I miss outlets like SSS.

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  16. And yet another guy who adds to the negative stereotypes of guys into anything non-vanilla. Sad.
    FetLife has alway seemed so full of potential to me, but personally has yet to deliver.

  17. MCW -- ah, SSS. I never liked that place, honestly. It had its moments, but sooooo much flaming and so many sock puppets. Although I guess one could say that about FetLife too...

    AP -- yeah, you kinda did. Putting an Uber-Dom in the same category as a murderous mentally ill young man is a reallllly slippery slope. Over-the-top sadistic tops may be misogynistic and arrogant, but criminally insane is a stretch. None of us like to be painted with the same broad brush.

    Enzo -- it does have its fun moments. Just yesterday, some idiot talked smack on a friend's photo, and a few of us had fun giving him what-for. I even created a new fetish: "Fun With Fucktards!" ;-)

  18. For spanking a woman to be effective, it must about HER rather than him. When it's not, it's tantamount to rape in the woman's mind. Too many men don't understand that simple fact of life.

    In order to achieve this level of understanding, men have to think like a woman. This is not the same as being effeminate. Rather it is an acknowledgement that men and women approach spanking differently. Each gets something out of it that the other person needs to appreciate.

    My wife admitted while we were dating that needed more good hard spankings than she got as a teenager. Although she tried spanking herself with her mother's hairbrush, she could never make it hurt as much as she knew it needed to. The resulting frustration caused a longing to be taught a lesson on her bare bottom lesson while over her future husband's lap.

    I'm not sure why none of my wife's previous dates ever picked up in her subtle signals. Perhaps she didn't give them time. Or the young men might not have gotten confused by mixed signals. Whatever the reason, she went unfulfilled until I told her on something like our third or fourth date that she needed a spanking.

    Somewhat to my surprise, my wife didn't deny it. Instead, she said we needed to wait until we got to know each other better. In a roundabout way she also let me know that when the time was right, she wouldn't object.

    Several months later we both knew the time had come. She later told me that she felt a sense of relief when she felt me pull panties down. For her, it meant I was serious about straightening her out. Once the deed was accomplished, my wife realized she'd found her Mr. Right.

    The moral of this little story is that, had I spanked my wife too early, it would have been about me and what I wanted. The results might have been disastrous. Given time, the same spanking became about her. As a result, my wife got what she'd wanted when it would do her some good.

    When dealing with a woman, timing is everything. A sense of timing comes from taking the time to understand the woman.

  19. Hi Erica -- I think that IDIOT, likes to bully women :-( I don't go on FetLife because in my opinion it can be very dark. I hope you and John had a nice weekend :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  20. Anonymous -- I like your story. Thank you. :-)

    Jade -- FetLife is definitely dark. It has its fun moments, too. Some days are better than others.

  21. nice post....I gave up on FetLife

  22. Ron -- I stay with it because so many friends are there.