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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Santa Baby...

...just slip a paddle under the tree, for me... Been an awfully bad girl...

Oh, wait. I already did this year's parody. Never mind.

It's 10 PM on Christmas Eve here, and I've already had my visit from Santa.

Well, sort of. I guess he was one of Santa's representatives. He had a Santa hat, and he brought an extra one for me. Weird, though... he wasn't fat, he was clean-shaven and he had black hair. Who knew? 

I dressed up for him, wearing a festive red dress complete with stockings and pumps. And I even put on that stupid hat. Some Jew.

Whoever he was, he was certainly mischievous and perverse. I couldn't even take a minute to freshen my makeup without him sneaking up behind me and... well, see for yourself. 

He wanted to know all the naughty things I'd done in 2013, and he asked me while I was bent over the ottoman. Come on. How am I supposed to think back over the past year and come up with specifics, while in such a disgraceful position? I couldn't do it! Not to mention that I was having wardrobe distress. Not only did that damn hat keep falling off my head, but my boobs were falling out of my dress. He didn't care; he still thought some coercion was in order.

(If you look close, you'll see that I was indeed in danger of falling out of my dress. This didn't seem to bother him in the least.)

He had this annoying pattern of swatting me in threes -- because of the three Wise Men, don'cha know. (eye roll) "Is three an odd number?" he asked. "YOU'RE an odd number!" I snapped.

And just what the hell is he up to here??

(Damn... Santa's helpers certainly are buff these days.)

The more I tried to come up with my naughty list, the more I miserably failed and he just kept on trying to get it out of me. But finally, I prevailed. He was talking about Santa's reindeer, and I blurted, "Yeah, there are only seven this year, because Comet has to stay home and clean the sink!"

He started laughing so hard, he completely lost it. So much for that scene. :-D (And yes, I know that joke was terrible.)

I laughed too. In fact, I was giggling so convulsively, I fell off the ottoman.

Oh, and did I mention that we watched a movie, too? Which one, you ask? Miracle on 34th Street? It's a Wonderful Life? White Christmas?

Nahhh. We watched The Bad Seed. (Hey, it's one of my favorite old movies and he'd never seen it before. Nothing like a film about a murderous child to really bring out that joyous holiday spirit!)

So, it's done for another year. I got past the holiday party over the weekend, too. Believe it or not, it wasn't too bad. There was food I could actually eat, for once. The music was very loud, but it was good, and John and I got comfortable chairs right near the band, so we parked ourselves there and I didn't have to do any mingling. I could smell pot all around me and people were getting drunk, but we left before it got too late. Oh, and we even danced a little. John's sister slurred told me four different times that I'm a good dancer, but I'm chalking that up to the alcohol. I got my toes stepped on a few times, but at least no one spilled a drink on me or groped my boob this year.

Whatever you're celebrating, my friends -- happy/merry/joyous everything. I hope you're doing exactly what you want, with people you enjoy. And don't forget, after tomorrow, the fruitcake once again goes back to being a colorful paperweight.

(Oh, come on. Who actually eats those @#$%ing things?)


  1. Dear Erica,

    From one Jew to another. You had me lol I almost wet myself.
    Have a happy, healthy and peaceful year.

  2. I loved the pictures! You two celebrated the holiday in fine style.


  3. Erica, did anyone ever tell you, you are so deliciously beautiful. That red dress, those cute panties, and of course, those stocking, plus the Santa hat, makes you look so adorable. By the way, I believe you already now this, the song "White Christmas", was written by a nice Jewish boy, called Irving Berlin. So BOTTOMS UP, and hopefully in the coming New Year 2014, your voluptuous naked rear end, will be blushingly red, many times over. XXX Luv ya.

  4. This is the one blog I logged on to read today. Had a good laugh and it brightened my day. Thanks for sharing, Erica and merry/happy stuff to you too.

  5. Laurel -- the same to you! :-D

    Natasha -- hee! It was fun.

    Hermione -- yeah, we kinda did, didn't we. Not bad for a Grinch. :-)

    Six -- thank you! And yes, I did know about Irving Berlin. Too funny.

    Anonymous -- I'm glad you liked it. :-)

  6. Those pics are awesome! You're so adorable Erica! Man, to be the guy that gets to spank you on Christmas, lucky fella! ;-)

    Have a great day dear friend!


  7. Michael -- who the heck is Andrew?? :-D Can't wait to see you in a couple of months, sweet man. Love you!

  8. Looks like you had a wonderful time! Your story and pictures brought a smile to my face (and I needed that!)
    Hugs for you!

  9. Alex -- big hugs back to you! ♥

  10. You look fabulous in those stockings.

  11. Hi Erica -- Thanks for making me smile I needed that :-) I hate fruit cake it even looks disgusting LOL. I remember the movie The bad seed,It has a cool spanking scene in it.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  12. I make and eat the homemade kind of fruitcake! Not the store bought brick monstrosities, tho!

  13. Jade -- glad I could make you smile.

    Sarah -- I've never had it homemade before. Please tell me you don't use those weird-ass green cherries, or whatever the hell those green things are!

  14. Well *I* for one am stealing your Comet joke!! J & R will love it, too!!

    And I thoroughly enjoyed this sassy little photo essay!!!

  15. Thank you, Erica - I hope you had great holidaysa.
    Ain't it great that once a year you get sorted out so mildly? ;-)

  16. No! I use regular cherries, pineapple and dates. I candy them myself!

  17. Wolfie -- I can't take credit for it, I'm afraid. I read it in a cheesy joke book years ago. :-)

    MrJ -- mildly? humph. :-)

    Sarah -- now that's dedication!

  18. Amazing spanking, love the outfit and hey boobs falling out is not so bad! Also your panty is just lovely, nice one.

  19. Ron -- yeah, I'm sure plenty of people would have liked that! LOL

  20. Glad to know the Silent Night was met with spanks of odd number of sorts. It's always so wonderful to be with you. I consider myself a VERY lucky top. Thank you dear Erica.

  21. Dear Mr. Anonymous Santa's Helper -- thank YOU. :-)