Correspondence Hall of Shame, 12/13

Ah, it's a Friday the 13th edition. Frankly, I'd much rather have black cats crossing my path than these brainless boobs.

I think I need to drive to [my city] to spank that ass. This experienced dom daddy will do whatever is necessary to bring you into a state of extasy.

Oh, that's easy. 1. Learn how to spell "ecstasy"; 2. Don't send a dick pic to someone who has specifically requested "no dick pics"; and 3. Go fuck yourself.

A while back, Hermione showcased some of the ridiculous spam messages we get. You know, the ones that chat with us in a familiar vein, and then encourage us to visit their site? I got one that was so inane, I had to share it:

Today, I went to the beach with my children.
I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said
"You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear."
She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone! Visit my blog at... etc.

Ummmm... OK. Had to tell someone, huh? What a sad life you lead if the only person with whom you could share this folksy little tale is a complete stranger with a kinky blog. :-) 

I want to slap your ass until it gets red. And then ı want to put a cream on it which ı produced...

I'll just bet you produced it. Ewwww. I'll stick with my St. Ives body lotion, thanks.

Of course, no CHoS is complete without one of these:

How are you still so hot at your age?? Is that a terrible question?

I'll answer your second question: Yes. And I have my own question: How are you still so clueless at your age??

This same guy also commented on one of my videos with Steve:

Sorry, I could do it better. Damn! I am so arrogant.

Why, yes. Yes, you are. :-) And no. No, you couldn't. Not in a million years.

And finally -- I posted about this one on FetLife, since I received it there, but it bears repeating here as well:

i would love to have you sit on my face as you tie me up sticking out my tongue as you rock and gyrate your hips running your clit over my tongue your juices flowing down my face soaking me pulling me deeper into your pussy as i lick you for hours making you cum over and over again drenching my head making it look as i just got done taking a shower before bending you over and grabbing your hair as i slam my dick into your tight wet pussy pounding it good and hard making you moan loud as you push back into each of my powerful thrusts making you squirt all over my hard dick letting it drip off my balls and run down our legs making you cum again and again i pull out and lick up all of your juices not letting any of them go to waste before i plow back into you exploding a massive hot sticky load of cum deep inside your tight pussy then i would lick your tight little asshole before driving my dick nice and deep into it making you cum so had it drips off my balls and runs down our legs

I don't know what offends me more -- the content, or the fact that this massive missive has absolutely no punctuation. You've been watching too much porn, Junior. The only thing I'm going to drench your head with is a glass of ice water. Snap out of it.

Hope this provided some laughs. Perhaps some of you could use a snicker or two. I know I could. Have a great weekend, y'all.