Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/13

It's Friday the 13th! By all accounts of superstitious lore, it's supposed to be a bad day. (The new Three Stooges movie was released today; perhaps all those triskaidekaphobics have it right after all.) However, it's pouring rain outside and I'm feeling quite safe and serene. So forget the calendar and have some fun with me.

Little lady u r beyond all thats real,noway to explain u.

"Little lady"? Who are you, John Wayne's ghost? And really, what's to explain? I may be a complex woman, but I'm not particle physics.

I would love to spank you hard. And afterwards, go down on you, have insane sex with you and again spank you when you need to get wet... I am sub but also love to spank and play with a woman like you... I bet you get so wet...

I'm quite wet now, honey. Know why? Because reading this crap brought on a powerful need to take a shower.

I'd love for you to play bad mommy with me and mollest me in my sleep

Why don't you go to sleep and dream that I'm molesting you, sonny boy. Because it won't happen any other way.

Well, may I say you look fabulously sprightly for your age.

No, you may not. Sprightly?? Who the @#$% am I, Granny Clampett?

I know some people out there might think I write these missives myself. But honestly, I do not. This last one has to be real, because there's no way I could make it up.

254 miles is only a hot rainbow to the pot of hot steaming love gold. So let's cash it in for pleasure beautiful goddesses of my passion. That I hold deep in side my soul that only a lady of desire would understand..........let's email this and follow the rainbow ....my love.

OK, there's something hot and steaming here, but it's not gold. You're 254 miles from me? Good. Stay there.

And finally, here are a few of those wonderfully whacky search phrases people have used to find my blog.

smarty bitches in panties

This smarty bitch is usually not in panties whenever ST is around.

underage girl spanking

First of all, ewwww. And second, how the hell did anything to do with underage girls lead to me? That's like Googling "rocket scientists" and coming up with the cast of Jersey Shore.

surprise injection panties down

Say it with me -- WTF? I don't want to know what that injection is, and if you want to surprise me, stick with flowers or some chocolate, OK?

The rain just turned into a deluge of a thunderstorm. I suppose I should wrap this up before there's a power glitch. Have a great weekend, y'all. :-)