Heavy stuff

Please bear with me, guys. I have to slog through some unpleasantness, get it off my chest, let people know.

As I'd mentioned, J went for a complete physical last Thursday. At 11:30 on Friday night, Kaiser called him; all his blood samples had tested positive for bacterial infection. "You need to come into Kaiser Sunset [Hollywood, the closest Kaiser facility with a full emergency hospital]. Now."

He called me. I felt initial panic, then swung into autopilot. I got dressed, packed a few things and drove the 30+ miles to his house, then drove him 20 miles to Kaiser Sunset. We got him admitted to the ER around 1:30. At nearly 3:00 a.m., they told me they'd be keeping him and that I should go home. I went back to his place, went to bed around 4:00.

I won't draw this out; J has a bacterial infection called Strep Varidins, which is bloodborne. They started pumping him full of antibiotics immediately and then started running a battery of tests to see if the infection had affected any of his vital organs.

J has an existing heart condition called mitral valve prolapse, which is essentially a defective heart valve. One can live with it, but it's vulnerable to any infection that attacks the body. Today they did an echocardiogram (a heart scan); sure enough, the weak valve is covered with bacterial growths. In short, J's heart is a freaking petri dish at the moment.

They will run more tests tomorrow morning. One of two things will happen: 1) they will put him on an aggressive antibiotic regimen for the next five to six weeks. He'll have a shunt in his arm and he'll be self-administering the IVs. However, he'll be able to function, leave the hospital, go back to work, etc. Or...2) they'll do open-heart surgery to replace the valve if it's too badly damaged.

This past weekend has been a blur. He called me early yesterday morning when I was at his house, to tell me all the news. Numbly, I listened, wrote down instructions. Call his sister. Find his work cell phone and call his boss. Sort through his mail. Collect a few things to bring to him. Keep calling the ER to find out when he's transferred to a room.

I went to his sister's market to eat something and let her know what's going on. When I took out my wallet to pay for my sandwich, she said, "Put that away." That was very nice of her.

J was moved to room in the late afternoon on Saturday, and I went to visit him around 7:00, bringing the things he'd asked for. The good news was, the antibiotics were starting to kick in, even this soon. His vitals were back to normal. For example, a normal pulse is around 70-72. Because J is so fit and athletic, his normal range is the 50s. On Friday night when he was admitted, it was 93.

And best news of all -- he's eating. He wants to eat; his appetite is coming back. Last night, they goofed and brought him two dinners; he ate all of both of them. That did my heart good, after all these weeks of begging and coaxing him to eat. He's lost 20 pounds.

We will know more tomorrow. For tonight, I wait. Tonight, I try to sleep. My emotions go back and forth; sometimes I'm calm, other times I'm weepy. And sometimes I'm angry. This didn't have to happen. If he hadn't waited five weeks to see the doctor, it might not have gotten this bad. And he knows it, too. He told me I probably saved his life by pushing him like I did. That may or may not be... but I wish I hadn't had to do that.

We've been fighting for the past couple of weeks. I do believe he had the flu at first, because he had all the classic flu symptoms. But when he simply didn't recover and kept having a fever every day, by the third week I knew something else was going on. I pleaded with him to see the doctor again, but he just said, "I don't need to see the doctor; I have the flu. If you keep pushing me, I'll just get stressed out and that will make me feel worse."

I am so scared. I love that goddamn stubborn fool. But through all the fear and worry, there is some sense of relief. At least he is in good hands now, getting the proper treatment. At least I don't have to sit around anymore and watch him deteriorating, powerless to do anything about it and wondering just what the hell is wrong with him.

We will get more answers tomorrow. If he is not having surgery, he may come home as early as Tuesday or Wednesday. All I can do is hope for the best. I'd pray, but I don't believe in it.

I promise I will update when I can. All support and well-wishes are welcome; we could both use them. Thanks for caring.