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Monday, July 1, 2013

Monday potpourri

I hate summer. Yes, I know I say that every year. Why should 2013 be an exception?

Temps were in the triple digits this weekend, and I hibernated in John's house, which was blessedly cool. But sooner or later, I knew I had to come home. I knew it wouldn't be super comfortable in here, but I didn't expect it to feel like a furnace blast when I walked in. Apparently, we'd had a power outage for a while, and it must have short-circuited the A/C, which was now blowing coolish/warmish air. And it was a little over 80 degrees in the apartment.

Nothing I could do about it, except put on every fan I owned, keep the lights off, and walk around naked, spritzing myself with a water sprayer. No, I don't have any pictures. Sorry.

This morning, it's a chilly 76 degrees in my apartment. The vents seem to be spewing marginally cooler air, but maybe it's wishful thinking. Such is summer in a building with antiquated A/C. 

Steve can't come over to play. He has business issues to handle, and I told him it's OK, since it would be miserable trying to play in here today anyway. At least I have two large work projects to keep myself busy. But I will miss him. Still, the idea of any sort of physical exertion in here is most unpleasant.

In other news: I haven't noticed that any blogs have disappeared. You know what I think? I believe Blogger deliberately made that form letter vague, to scare the hell out of all of us, make us wonder, chase some of us off. They probably want to get rid of us anyway, even though they say it's OK for us to be here (as long as we're not making any money). For now, I have my blog backed up in an XML file and I opened a WordPress account and imported my posts/comments there, but that's just for safekeeping. I think at this point, transferring from Blogger to WordPress is a lateral move that really isn't necessary. If I do have to transfer, I will get my own domain, so I don't have to worry about this BS anymore. 

And speaking of moves, Dana Kane wasted no time in ensuring her blog is safe; she has moved to her own domain: Ms. Dana Kane. Be sure to update your blog roll and go welcome her to her new place.

Other news II: There is a tempestuous thread ongoing at FetLife; it started out as one subject, but then morphed into an argument about whether or not "professional" spankers are more expert at spanking than your average everyday spanker. There has been much drama and snarking -- and believe it or not, I dropped out of it a couple of days ago. Maybe I just don't have the energy; it's too hot. Maybe I'm sick of these arguments that never get resolved. But it does seem that there's been an excessive amount of arguing/debating/flaming on Fet lately. Maybe I'll blog about some of the heated topics, if I can muster the creativity in my fried brain.

I did respond to one guy's writing though -- a treatise on, I quote: The Shit Thing About Being a Dom. He then delves into a long list of laments about all the stuff Doms have to put up with. I still can't figure out whether it's partially tongue-in-cheek or what, but it sounds awfully whiny to me. I didn't address the entire litany, just one point, this:

Doms are the most mocked thing on Fetlife.
  • Everyone on Fetlife likes to make fun of something. But you need to be careful who you throw rocks at, because you don't want to be seen as a bully or intolerant. So the easiest thing to do, is throw rocks at someone who supposedly should be strong enough by nature to absorb the blows. Therefore Doms are the brunt of satire, sarcasm, and plain old mocking by the truck load. Doms are picked on for not being Dominant enough, or too domly dominant, or worse still; the dreaded Uber Dom. And if a Dom doesn't like it then the assumption is that he obviously isn't a real Dominant.
To which I responded:

"This piece is interesting and thought-provoking. I don't have the time or energy (it's a bazillion degrees here) to comment thoroughly, nor can I read all the other comments now. However, one sentence jumped out at me and I must take exception.

Therefore Doms are the brunt of satire, sarcasm, and plain old mocking by the truck load.

No. Not good Doms/tops. Not the thoughtful, kind, compassionate and loving ones. Not the ones who treat each bottom/sub as an individual, with individual limits, needs and desires. Not the ones who earn respect rather than demanding it.

Replace "Doms" with "arrogant people" and yes, I agree. Because I adore tops. I know many who have given me much joy and fulfillment. But yeah, if "the dreaded Uber Dom" gets in my face, you bet I'm going to have a faceful of snark ready for him.

[Another one of his points was that Doms are expected to be mind readers, so I added this:]

One more thing: I totally agree that Doms are often expected to be mind readers and psychics, which is completely unfair and unreasonable. Subs/bottoms need to communicate their needs and hard limits, what they like, what they'll do and not do, etc. If something goes wrong, they need to have a two-way discussion and openly talk about what went wrong.

However... sometimes, when we bottoms do this, we are told by the dreaded you-know-whats that we're topping from the bottom. (sigh)"

I didn't receive any feedback to this, but I didn't expect to. The traffic was so high on this writing, no one was replying to anyone; they were just writing opinions. (Mostly odes of praise.) At this moment, the writing has 353 comments and 1,593 Loves. Go figure.

Perhaps I should write a rebuttal treatise called "The BS Bottoms Have to Put Up With." I'll put that on the list.

Meanwhile, I'm heading for the gym to cool off.


  1. Yes Ma'am, THE FL post you're referring to is all over the map with accusations, rebuttals, insults, etc, etc. I posted my honest opinion in separate writings but left my friends to handle their own affairs.

    I LOVE your idea about a post from the bottom's perspective. I feel regardless of one's role, it's up to BOTH partners to discuss the dos and don'ts before making play dates.
    You and I have different top preferences but neither of us are going to put up with someone DEMANDING we behave the way THEY want.
    The topping from the bottom accusation agitates me to NO end. If a top says that to me, that tells me the person can't or doesn't want to deal with a strong willed bottom.
    I say SEE YA!!!!

  2. Strong willed bottoms are a must, love them and just make the scene so much fun!

  3. Kelly -- I'll definitely give it some thought. That one piece of writing is just crying out for a parody.

    Ron -- indeed!

  4. Erica, whether professional spankers, or average spankers are better, it's like food it's a matter of taste. Some like it hot, some wish to be cool. Takes your choice. That's also why they have menu's in resturants. Thats my opinion, Althought I favor amateur.

  5. Six -- I have experienced both, and have loved both. I don't think it's necessarily about the amount of experience, but about the caring and ability to read one's partner.

    Al -- oooh! Great word! :-)

  6. Hi Erica -- So sorry you had to come home to a hot apartment, I can't stand the heat, it makes me feel YUCKY. I agree that Tops/ Spankers are not mind reader's. You have to tell them your limits.To me communication is one of the key word's, for a successful Top and bottom relationship :-) Stay cool.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  7. Jade -- I don't deal well with temperature extremes either way, but if it has to be one way or another, I'd rather be cold!

  8. Erica,

    Excellent post. And here's a question nobody seems to be asking : What the hell does it matter who's "better" at something than someone else. Are we back in the third grade? Will there be gold stars?

    Such silliness, really. A good spanking is a good spanking, regardless of it's origin.

    Um. Isn't it?

    Oh, and I agree about the Doms, too. If you don't want to be stereotyped, don't behave stereotypically...or something like that.


  9. Dana -- thanks. Hell if I know. The whole thing got so ridiculously out of hand, I honestly don't know where it went off the rails. But yeah, a good spanking is a good spanking. Experience is helpful, but it's not a guarantee. I've played with newbies who are complete naturals, and there are some "experts" I wouldn't allow near me, so there it is.

  10. I hate summer and the heat. It's been over 100 degrees here for the past week. One of my local groups had a big weekend event that ended last night and a lot of it had to be held outside under a tent that was rented to fit the classes. My feet are still swollen today from the extreme heat, dehydration, and being on my feet so much helping move things, etc. Ugh.

    I did not read that writing you quoted but saw it pop up in my feed a few times. Interesting. I don't associate with many who identify as Doms, mostly tops. Some can be jerks, some are great. It all depends on the person.

  11. Lea -- my sympathies over the heat. We're of the same mind there. If that writing pops up in your feed again, and you have a few minutes, give it a look. I'd be curious what you think of it!

  12. "Maybe I'm sick of these arguments that never get resolved"

    I think that my mindset has been there for a while as well, or maybe it is because the positive people in my life are making me so happy. Changing focus this past year has been very cathartic and I am enjoying myself so much more that I don't even entertain negativity anymore.

    Whilst I haven't read the thread that you are talking about, there have been times where I have also felt like a human pinata. Despite being think skinned I Will sometimes shake my head at the levels some people will go to just to be mean spirited. Though unlike the poster, I think this is more to do with human nature and has little to do with the gender or role of the recipient.

  13. Rich -- well, last night that thread devolved into complete silliness, so I confess, I jumped back in a bit. :-) But the tone had turned from mean-spirited and combative, so I felt OK in doing so. Overall, I'm trying to seek out positive posting as well (not easy when you're a pessimist like me!).

  14. Really, a complaining Dom? I have a solution...the complainer can go find a caring, compassionate, thoughtful and real Dom, bend himself over for that real Dom...and then transition to a newly anointed Sub. There you everyone's happy. Hey, just


    PS Erica, please tell me I never complain like that!

  15. Steve -- LOL! I'm not going to be the one to suggest it to the complainers, but I like it! And no, sweetie, you do not complain. You make me feel like the best bottom on the planet.

  16. I also hate summer. After 78 degrees, my body likes to start shutting down. I was born in Maryland, but I lived in upstate NY for so long, I've turned into a Polar Bear.

    Summer can go fuck itself off a cliff. I hate heat. I hate humidity. I hate playing guessing games with the office's air conditioner (what temp will the office be today, etc).


  17. Greeneyez -- with you all the way. If I had 100% dependable A/C and knew I always had a heat-safe haven, I wouldn't mind it quite as much.