Sunday update

It was a nice weekend. John made a big fuss over my book proof -- he said little about the dedication (he's very shy about any attention focused on him, unlike his girlfriend), but I know it pleased him greatly.

He had a surprise for me too!

Aren't they gorgeous? He put his hands over my eyes when I was walking into his living room, and there they were on the dining table. I carefully brought them home tonight. Whatta guy, huh? :-)

OK, so I'm up to page 85 of my final read. So far, I've seen one missing closed quote. If that's the only typo, I will be surprised. But of course, I'm seeing other bits that I want to tweak. I promise, this will be the last time. I promise. Once I do these last-minute tweaks, I will resubmit the proof; they have to approve it again (rolling eyes). And when they do, I am not going to request another proof. I'm going to say "finito" and put it on sale.

After that, I'll have to do some reformatting and so forth to make a version for the Kindle. First things first. Fingers crossed that I'll be able to figure that part out myself. But in the meantime, the paperback version will be available.

I won't be seeing New Guy tomorrow (sniff), but I'll use the found time to get this thing read and fixed already. I'm hoping to have it finalized before the week is out. Then I can celebrate once again with him next Monday. Can't have too much celebrating, can I?

This afternoon, I showed John a couple of the clips from Spanking Court. He watched closely. Too closely. Gave him ideas. Damn that Court Disciplinarian anyway. :-) 

Hope everyone had a nice weekend, particularly you Crimson Moonies in Chicago!

An amazing end to a great week

First, a bit of news. There's a brand-new blog in the neighborhood. If you go here, you can read the "He said" version of what I wrote about yesterday.

Last night when I came home from the gym, there was a box on my doorstep. Small, rectangular. I picked it up and saw the CreateSpace return address. Oh my... it was the proof copy of my book. For the first time, I was going to see it in book form.

Did I rush inside and fall all over myself in my eagerness to tear it open? No.

I laid it on the table, stared at it, then walked away from it. I was afraid to open it. No lie.

How ridiculous was that? But I so wanted it to be perfect. And yet I knew there were a lot of things that could go wrong, and that it might not be. So I wanted to preserve the perfect image in my head for a while before I actually braced myself to look at it.

I know, that makes no sense. I felt like an idiot.

John called. We talked for a while, and then I sheepishly told him that I'd gotten my proof and I couldn't bring myself to open it. He didn't laugh at me.

"Do you want to wait until tomorrow night, and open it at my house?"

I told him I didn't think I could wait that long.

"OK, how about this," he said. "Want to open it now, on the phone with me? That way, if something's wrong, you can tell me about it. And if there isn't, then you can share that with me as well."

I liked that idea. Carrying the phone, I went to the kitchen drawer, got my scissors and cut the tape on the package. Unfolding the carton carefully, I uncovered my book. I scanned the cover, looked at the picture, the spine, the positioning of the text on the back.

It looked fan-@#$%ing-tastic.

"Oh, John," I breathed. "Oh, honey. It looks so good. It looks so, so good."

We talked for a while after that, but I don't remember any of the conversation. I was too busy staring at the cover, at Zelle's beautiful work.

I now have to thoroughly check the interior, read through, look for dropped lines and all kinds of other weirdness. I can already see that the gutter (the margin space) is a little too big. But if I were to decrease that, it would change all the line breaks, all the page breaks, the page count... ugh. Forget it. I'll live with a big margin.

So tonight, I'll bring it to John's. He'll get to see the surprise I have for him.

Last year when I was in the middle of working on the book, he and I were talking about it one night and he asked me to whom I was going to dedicate it.

I thought it was a trick question. "You, of course!"

He shook his head. "No. You have to dedicate it to your dad."

I hadn't considered that, but as we discussed it, I agreed that it made sense. My writing talent and my sarcastic humor are straight from his genetic makeup. Whenever someone compliments my writing or says they think I'm funny, I think, "Thanks, Dad." I was very proud of his accomplishments and despite our extremely rocky years, we worked it all out at the end. Of course I had to dedicate the book to him.

So I did. But what John doesn't know yet is that underneath the dedication to my father, there is also one to John. Tonight, he'll know. I can't wait.

It's been a very good week. The only thing that made some of my happy bubbles go flat was hearing that NG can't make it this Monday. (sigh) I will miss him. But he'll be back. I suppose this is life's checks and balances -- I had an abundance of riches this week, so next week will be a bit of a letdown. I know this about myself. So my goal for the following week is to keep busy, focus on getting my book wrapped up and putting it up for sale. On Monday night, I'll think about the previous Monday and smile. Look forward to the next Monday and smile.

I can't believe I'm one mouse click away from publishing my book. I just can't believe it.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

The Tease

It's easy to tease,
But hard to get release

Those lyrics from Billy Idol's "Eyes Without a Face" are relentlessly running through my mind at the moment.

I admit, I like to tease. Verbally, certainly. But physically as well. Let's be honest here... I don't post a bazillion pictures of my bottom and my half-dressed body because I'm overly fascinated with them. I see them all the time. I do so because I am an exhibitionist and I love the attention. I do it because I can.

Today, I got a bit of comeuppance, and deliciously so. Today, I was teased.

By the Villain.

He hasn't visited me for a while; we've had our fun at Spanking Court, and he's very busy. I half expected him to regretfully cancel today, but he didn't.

I thought, wow. Two spankings in one week, how did I get so lucky? Such a greedy girl. I got whaled but good by NG on Monday, and here it was Thursday and I was itching for more.

But I just got a taste. Tease and denial, tease and small taste, tease and a flurry of swats that would stop as soon as I got into them.

Sooooo mean. And so, so freaking hot.

Once again, he was a gentleman. No boundaries crossed, my thong stayed up. But he had every nerve cell from my head to my toes screaming for that sweet, painful pounding, that impact. He enjoyed watching me squirm, hearing me moan in frustration. He knew I'd get all I wanted very soon. But not now.

He drew it out for over an hour. I swear to you all, by the time he was done, I was ready to go get a paddle, offer it up to him and beg him to use it. But no... just a brief but hard hand spanking, and he was done. "You tease a lot," he whispered, "but I'll bet you don't get teased very often. We men aren't good at that." Oh, the hell he wasn't.

A warm hug, and then off he went. I was ready to jump out of my skin. But since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing.

Perhaps if he listened carefully as he drove away, he could hear me screaming.

Thank you, you villainous man. And to Dana -- thank you for letting me borrow your man this afternoon. :-)

And now, if you'll excuse me, there is a very strenuous class at my gym at 4:30, that I need desperately.

My book reviewed!

No, not the new one, the old one. :-)  Katerina, of the new site Bottoms Up Book Review, just made "What Happens to Naughty Girls?" her review #21. She wrote up a lovely, complimentary piece on it, which you can check out here.

I really like the style in which she reviews. She gives a synopsis, then shares what she likes (or doesn't like) about the book. Following that is an excerpt of decent enough length to pique interest, and then she concludes with a few more of her thoughts.

This book was pretty much an indulgence for me. I knew it wouldn't have mass appeal, because it was too limited -- it was M/F only, and I put myself in nearly every story. So, even though the situations were varied, there was a certain sameness about it, I think. You either liked my style or you didn't. It didn't sell much, and I didn't expect it to. But perhaps this review will finally nudge it over the 200 mark! (It's sold 198 to date.)

Thank you, Katerina! ♥

Celebration time!

We have everything we need, right?

An awesome top with a hard hand and a bagful of toys -- check!

A cheeky brat girl -- check!

And champagne -- check!

What are we celebrating, you ask. CreateSpace finally accepted my @#$%ing book cover, that's what!! :-D  Those numbnuts -- gawd, the aggravation they put Zelle and me through!

They rejected the first version with a generic message about "live elements" being outside the image area. No details. Zelle took great pains to make damn sure the second version was even more perfect than the first one... and they rejected it with the same generic message. This time, I was pissed. I knew they were jacking me around, trying to wear me down so I'd order their premium services. Not gonna happen, guys. You're messing with the wrong woman.

I wrote to them and called their 800 number, saying I needed more information, needed them to tell me exactly what needed fixing. This morning, they wrote back to me, and hallelujah, they gave me a precise direction. Itty bitty minor thing. Nitpickers.

Zelle was leaving for vacation tonight, so I didn't want to bug her with this. I figured I'd wait until she was back home. But she wrote to me, asking if they'd OKd it, and I couldn't lie. I told her what was going on and said she should forget about it for now, go have fun and we'd deal with it later. Bless her heart, she insisted that if they did tell me what to fix, I should send it to her immediately.

So I forwarded her their instructions this morning, and within a half-hour, she had it back to me. I not only resubmitted the cover a third time, I called the 800 number again. Told them it was coming and I didn't want another rejection. The guy hemmed and hawed, said they check it thoroughly each time, because Point A could be fixed but in the process, throw Point B off. Fine, whatever... I said OK, but if there IS something wrong with this one, I want specifics right off the bat, no generics. And could they process this faster?

He said he didn't think that could be done, but I'd get my answer within 24-48 hours. But then after our conversation, he wrote to me to follow up (they'd never done that before) and said he'd spoken with the techs. I heard from them in four hours, telling me Congratulations, all looks good and it's time for me to order a proof.

YAHOO!!

I got that message about an hour before New Guy showed up -- how perfect! No fun celebrating alone, is there?

As it happened, a dear friend had given me a bottle of pink champagne a while back, but I rarely drink, so it sat in my fridge waiting for a special occasion. This was it! But first things first, of course.

NG got a brand new Smart Phone, so he was experimenting with taking video on his phone while spanking/strapping me. We got some cute stuff -- it jumps all over the place, but still fun. I guess it takes some superhuman dexterity to hold a cell phone camera steady and whale on someone's a$% at the same time! :-D

Oh, he was in good form tonight, let me tell you. He was strapping me so quickly, I couldn't catch my breath, so I yelped, "Hey! What's your hurry??" He then slowed waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy dowwwwwwwwwwwnnnnn. "Is that better?"

"No! Why does everything have to be so black or white with you tops?" I snapped.

WHACK!!!!!  "Everything is red with us." (groan)

Once he decided I was well done, it was champagne time. Did I mention that I rarely drink? A few of you have seen me after I have a glass or so of alcohol. It is utterly ridiculous -- I have the tolerance of a three-year-old. I start giggling and stumbling over my words and I get light-headed right away. As I did tonight. Not drunk... it's not enough to get me drunk. Just with a little buzz. Just enough to have lots and lots of fun.

Well, until I laughed at NG and called him silly one too many times.

Wow. Round #2 was something else. It's all a blur, but I know it hurt. I know it was measured and well paced and it went back and forth from tender to tough and back again. I know I took a very long time to come back down to earth.

I know it was completely wonderful.

"Am I still silly?"
"No....."

Interesting... I don't know if it was subspace, or alcohol space, or a combination of the two. It's not something I would want to make a habit of, but for tonight, with my joy over the book cover, it felt just right.

So is my bottom as pink as the champagne? I'd already faded... phooey.

But I will definitely feel this one tomorrow. Lucky me.

So now, I have ordered a proof. They are shipping it to me this week. I need to review it thoroughly, check all the elements inside and out. And if (I hope I hope I hope, fingers and toes crossed) everything is OK, I let them know, and the book goes on sale.

I'm so close. Can't believe it.

Thank you, Zelle. Thank you, everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging through all this. And thank you, NG. I'm over the moon that I got to celebrate with you. :-)

As if it weren't hot enough...

... no, this isn't a post to complain about the heat again. I've already been told if I don't knock that off, someone is coming over to cool my jets. :-)

I'm talking about Weeds. I know, I'm way behind on this, since the scene I'm discussing was from Season 6, back in October 2010. But I'm renting the show on Netflix and just saw that episode, ironically titled "Gentle Puppies," last night.

Obviously, if you haven't watched the show, you won't know what I'm talking about. But I will assume the show has a large enough fan base. Besides, even if you don't follow it, no doubt you've heard about the spanking scene(s).

I'm about to commit scene sacrilege once again. Back in Season 4, there was an OTK spanking scene between Mary-Louise Parker's character Nancy Botwin and the devastatingly sexy Demian Bichir's character Esteban. The buildup to it was charming, I admit, and it was definitely not faked -- good pullover, he pushed up her dress, you saw hand-to-bottom contact. But his technique was lame, lame, lame. His arm looked spastic and stiff and he landed in the same spot over and over. People were cheering about what a great spanking scene this was, how fabulous it is to see an OTK spanking on mainstream TV, etc. I guess I'm jaded. I give them an A for effort and intent. But is it all that great? IMO, no.

If there's anyone left in the spanko world who hasn't watched the Season 4 spanking, you can see it here.

However, the scene from Season 6 is what resonated with me. It was edgy. It was rough. And it was @#$%ing HOT.

Nancy, bored and frustrated, on the run and stuck in a podunk town, goes to a bar looking for trouble. She antagonizes the hunky bartender/owner, wandering behind the bar to help herself to a shot, taking the "No Ladies at the Bar" sign down from the wall and tossing it to the floor, lighting up a cigarette although no smoking is allowed.

Unfortunately, the scene in its entirety, once up on YouTube, has been taken down. I did some searching online and found the full scene, but it was on PornHub and one has to put up with in-your-face graphic photos and ads in order to view the clip, so I am not posting it here, sorry. However, a brief clip of the buildup is still on YouTube, and it's plenty hot on its own.



I don't know about anyone else, but I find this even hotter than the buildup with Nancy and Esteban. The hair grab. The look on her face when the lock on the door clicks into place. And while the clip ends before the action, I will tell you that what followed included his belt striking her bare bottom, and then his kissing and biting the red stripes. After that... well. :-)~~~~~

So, fellow Weeds lovers, what do you think? Which scene did you prefer? Why? Granted, the first scene was much more traditional, which is great. I just can't get past his crappy technique. It's too bad, because I love a spanking scene where both participants are equally attractive and sexy, and that certainly was the case here. But that second scene... something about it. You could feel the tension crackling in the air. The way he glared at her. His calm voice when he says, "You don't listen." Brrrrrrrr.....

Oh, and the actor in the bar scene is Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who used to be on Saved By the Bell. He certainly has grown up, hasn't he?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take another cold shower.

Random crankiness

I am hot. No, that isn't bragging, that is complaining. I don't like being hot. It makes me very crabby. So, since I don't have one specific focus this evening, I'm just going to bitch about everything that's irritating me. Y'all OK with that?

Yesterday late afternoon, we had a split-second power outage; my computer shut down and then restarted. I held my breath, waiting to see if anything got corrupted, but it didn't. So I went on with what I was doing, and then noticed I was uncomfortably warm. Warmer than usual. When it gets up in the 90s, my building's A/C system can't keep up, so it tends to be kind of warm in here anyway. But now it was really warm.

So I stuck my hand in front of the vent. Hot air was gushing out. @#$%&!!!...the A/C must have flipped a circuit or something with that brief power blip. We go through this at least twice every summer -- the system is old. The good news (if you want to call it that) is, it affects ALL of us in the building, including the manager. So it gets attention ASAP.

I opened the windows, turned on my fans and shut off all the lights. I took a dip in the pool. I sat around naked all evening. The temp went up to about 82 degrees in my living room. Not very comfortable. I was glad this happened on a Tuesday, not a Monday.

This morning, it was blowing cooler again. Now my apartment is about 76. OK, I'd prefer 72, but I'll take it.

On to the latest with my book. I sent the cover and interior file to CreateSpace (CS) toward the end of last week, awaiting their approval. On Friday, they wrote to me, saying the interior formatting had been approved, but the cover had not. Then they gave me some vague reason about how "an element on the back cover was outside of the live graphic area and could get trimmed off in production." Well, that tells me nothing. What element? Where? How much? I couldn't see how it could be anything egregious. I know Zelle had taken great pains to follow their guidelines to the millimeter.

So I joined the CS Community, read some posts on the various forums and learned something rather quickly: CS isn't much help when you want to do things yourself. They want you to buy their premium services (help with editing, layout, designing, etc.) and they reject a ridiculous amount of covers at first submission. Fortunately, there are some very nice people on there who have learned the system and they avail themselves to the newbies for advice.

Sure enough, I started a thread about what had happened, and one man wrote to me privately, suggested I send him the PDF and he'd look at it. Within an hour, I heard back from him. He'd taken the time and effort to make a diagram for me, with blue lines and red lines and exact measurements, showing me exactly what he'd found. There it was... at the bottom left, the last line of text was dipping very slightly outside of the live area. That was it.

What, CS couldn't have told me that??? Argh. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers.

So I sheepishly and apologetically forwarded all this info and the guy's diagram to Zelle, who said she'd do the necessary tweaking. As soon as I get that adjusted file back in my hot little hands, I'm resubmitting it, and if they give me any static about it this time, I'm going to raise hell. Because I know it will be perfect and they're just giving me the business because I won't buy their super deluxe "we'll hold your hand through everything" package.

Well, I'm not alone in being hot, at least. Some of my friends on FetLife today were saying they wished they had a harem of male slaves to feed them Sno-Cones and frozen grapes. That made me think of a fun and fond memory from years ago, when I was around 40. I was at my gym, and speaking of malfunctioning A/C, theirs wasn't working well that day and the air on the top floor was still and very warm. Unfortunately, that floor was where they had the cardio equipment.

Bracing myself, making sure my water bottle was full, I got onto a Stairmaster and within minutes, felt like I was going to pass out. There wasn't anyone else on the other machines, and Tony, one of the trainers, was wandering around, picking up the newspapers people had left behind. As he approached me, he smiled, said hi and asked how I was doing, did I need anything, did I have enough water, etc.

"Well, since you asked," I panted, "how about if you just stand there and fan me with those papers?"

I was kidding. I was flirting. I didn't expect him to DO it. But he did. He stood next to me for a half-hour, fanning me with newspapers and chatting with me. People laughed when they saw what he was doing, but he didn't stop.

What a sweetie! And lord, was that boy easy on the eyes. He was in his late 20s and looked like a cross between Justin Kirk (the actor who plays Andy on Weeds) and Leonardo DiCaprio.

As I savored this memory, it occurred to me that there was probably no freaking way something like that would happen now. Bleah. Ageing blows.

Why is it that my post-spanking bliss can't last for more than a day, dammit? I mean, Monday night and a good deal of Tuesday, I was a happy camper. By last night, I was right back to Ground Cranky. When I remarked to NG on Monday night about how I felt like I spend half my life waiting for something or another, he gave me a swat and gently said, "You can't have instant gratification on everything, Miss Erica." Now I ask you, do you think that's what I expect? Really? Harrummmph. I protested that I don't get instant gratification on anything! OK, so maybe that's not true either. Christ, I really am over-the-top irritable, aren't I...

Enough already. I'll end on a positive note. I got some work today from a client I haven't heard from in months. I had a kick-ass workout at the gym tonight. I was called a "cheeky monkey" on FetLife today; that made me giggle. It's the little things, folks. I'm really not all that hard to please, despite evidence to the contrary. :-) Like I said, I just hate being hot.

Ah. I feel cleansed now.

What I need

I didn't know I needed to play extra hard tonight. I didn't know I needed to cry, to sob, to absorb pain willingly and want more. I had no idea.

But it doesn't matter. He knew.

I don't know how he does it. How he reads me so thoroughly. Even from the start, with the OTK warmup. As he ramped up the intensity, I squirmed, but my mind was screaming, "Harder, oh please, harder!" I almost blurted that out, but I didn't want to top from the bottom. Not tonight. So I arched upward to meet his hand.

And then, as if he'd read my mind, he ramped it up even more. "Yes," I whispered, "yes, yes!" That may sound strange. But it wasn't a porn-star, fake-orgasm "yes." It was real. It was pure delight in what my body was experiencing.

I didn't feel like sassing, protesting or goading. All I wanted was to feel. To take whatever he wanted to give.

Once I was positioned over the ottoman, the strap, belt and paddle burned fiercely. One strike made me pull back sharply, crouch down onto my heels, gasping from the pain. He gave me a moment to recover. Then, a split second before I knew I was ready to reassume the position, he calmly said, "Get back up there." I did.

"You need this, don't you," he said, bringing the belt down. "Don't you!"

"Yes," I cried. "Yes!" Tears came. Didn't matter. They felt cleansing. I buried my face in the pillow and hunkered down for the duration.

He'd pause, gently touch and tease me with the implements, caress me with his hand. But I knew more was coming. I waited.

When it happened, my brain screamed, "I can't, I can't!" But then, almost as if it were another person outside of me, I practically heard, "You can. Take it. TAKE IT. You want it. You need it. He knows." And I did.

After a particularly long flurry, I was panting, sobbing, feeling like I was on fire. He paused. In my hazy, spacy state, the only thought that came to me was, "Oh... he's not done, is he? I need more. Just a little more. Finish me. Finish me, please."

And then he said, "I don't think we're quite done here, are we?"

How did he know? I shook my head vigorously. "No."

Not much more. Just ten. Then it was lotion and soothing, while I wept for a long time. I didn't want to stop. They were good tears. I trusted him with all my heart and let him watch me be vulnerable. He broke me down and then put me back together. New and improved. Blissful.

"How do you do that," I murmured. "How do you know when I need more?"

"How do you take more?" he asked. I don't know. I just do. I guess he just knows, too. Knows me.

I don't always want it to be that ferociously intense. But when I do, he knows.

I am so, so lucky.

New site reviews spanking-themed books!

We spankos know there are tons of books out there that feature our beloved fetish/hobby/whatever you want to call it -- but how do you know which ones are good? How do you know which ones are in your preferred style/orientation? Wouldn't it be nice if there were a site that did nothing but review these books, and gave readers the opportunity to post their own reviews, so that we could more easily find books we'll enjoy?

Now there is such a place -- I call your attention to Bottoms Up Book Review, a new site by Katerina (not to be confused with Katarina/Cali of Spanking Court). Because she just launched it recently, at this time it has only 17 books reviewed, but Katerina has 100 spanking books (so far) on her Kindle and promised there will be many more reviews coming.

I like how the site is set up, and it's interactive, too. In the book list, you can click on any of the books and you're taken to a page where K gives you a synopsis, her review and an excerpt. She rates each book one to five hearts (or upside-down bottoms, if you will). However, if you want to comment on her review or add your own review/rating of the book, there's an area where you can do so.

K is an equal opportunity reviewer, including both books she loved and others she wasn't that crazy about, but perhaps others may like them. She details each book's good points and weaknesses, rates the frequency and intensity of the spankings, etc.

I once ordered a popular spanking story compilation online. Upon receiving it, I was rather frustrated; a couple of the stories were OK, but most of the others weren't to my preferences. Since I'm purely an M/F aficionado, I didn't care for all the F/F and F/M, and there were a lot of stories with graphic sex, anal play, BDSM and so forth that I just couldn't get into. If I'd had a book review site like this, perhaps I could have saved my money.

Please check it out and give her your feedback! She provides an email address, her Facebook and Twitter links, and encourages people to contact her with their thoughts, suggestions of books to review and so on.

Drum roll, please!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have....

A BOOK COVER!

I am over the moon with this. Look at the absolutely gorgeous job that Zelle did for me. This represents a lot of meticulous work and I am beyond grateful to her.

She wishes to keep her design credit simple in my book, but for here, I am writing the credit I really wanted to use: "Cover design by Zelle, talented friend extraordinaire."

Thank you, Z. I know it's been a hectic summer for you and you had that aggravating setback with the power outage. But you came through and now just look at this!! :-) I hope you're very proud of it.

I've already uploaded this to my CreateSpace page, and now all that's left is the text. Surprise, surprise -- finalizing that had a complication. When I converted my Word 2003 to a PDF, using the online service I'd chosen, I discovered that while the PDF looked good overall, the fonts matched, etc., the line breaks all changed. Fortunately, it didn't affect the page count. However, a ton of extra hyphenation was introduced.

A lot of it was improper or awkward hyphenation, like mi-nutes, ba-by and the hyphenation of proper names (Be-thany). I let those go, even though they chafed at me. But I absolutely could not ignore stuff like these: proo-freader, an-yway, ma-keup, coo-kie, the-rapist. So, because I can't alter the PDF, I had to go through my Word document and edit the areas where bad hyphens showed up, in order to eliminate them.

So far, I've edited and resubmitted my document for conversion four times, because I keep finding things. But now, I am down to just one bad hyphen to fix, and after that, I am done, done, done. I will submit the interior, and then they go to work on it, reviewing and creating a proof copy for me.

Home stretch, y'all! :-D

A rare glimpse...

... of me, in submissive mode. Check it out -- fetching New Guy the paddle he made for me.

He told me to get it for him, and I did. Isn't that amazing?

OK, so later, I tossed it across the room. What do you want, perfection?

I told him all about the Spanking Court shoot -- he asked if we'd repeated the 50 with leather, 75 with wood, and I said yes. "Did that hurt a lot, with no warm-up?" he asked. I told him I didn't remember.

"What do you mean, you don't remember? Weren't you there?" Well, yeah... but when I'm shooting, I'm so amped up with endorphins and adrenaline, I barely feel anything. "Oh well, we can't have that. Guess we'll have to recreate it tonight."

Oh, for God's sake. Wasn't two takes enough??

Actually, he didn't really recreate it. The only resemblance to Saturday's scene was the final 75 with the wooden paddle. Before that? One hell of a lot more than 50.

But I needed it. Saturday was an appetizer. I am eager for future shoots with Spanking Court when we get up to their max -- 300. I enjoy being challenged on camera.

I've been watching some of the SC clips -- today, I saw one where the poor girl was sobbing at the end of 100 strokes with leather. Really? After 100 with leather, I'm just getting warmed up. It's all relative, I guess. Each scene is a little bit different, because they vary the positions and spanking benches and they have soooo many implements. And some of those courtroom scenes had me falling off my chair with laughter.

Anyway... was I properly chastised? You be the judge:

I love aftercare. :-)

When we were done with the chair he'd placed in the middle of the living room, I didn't bother putting it back. I knew he'd be using it again.

I was right. But then again, I did throw the paddle across the room.

Sorry this took an extra day to post, but NG had some trouble with his email and wasn't able to get the photos to me until this evening. Better late than never, no?

And 24 hours later, I still feel quite good. :-)

A brief delay

I know several of you look for my Monday night report, so if I posted nothing, you might wonder what happened. Not to worry, all went well tonight with New Guy. However, I think he was wiped out and went to sleep as soon as he got home, because I didn't get the latest pictures.

When I get up tomorrow morning, I will check my mail, and chances are, they will be there. :-) 

For now, I'll just say I'm in my usual stupor. Night-night!

In my happy place

It's been a lovely weekend. Yes, Spanking Court was a joy once again. My only lament is that my visit was too short! :-)

As I'd mentioned, I was there this time to reshoot one scene from May. I got there around 2:15, greeted everyone and then had my makeup done. No courtroom scene for me this time, so I waited until they were done shooting those scenes so the judge could go home. During a break between them, I got a chance to chat with him, which was quite enjoyable. We haven't had the opportunity thusfar to do so. And of course, I was very happy to see Cali and Heinz, V and Dana again.

No court scene for me this time, so I got right into the orange scrubs. Cali told me that from now on in future scenes, I won't have to wear them. Hot damn! I mean, if they came in a pretty cherry red or even black, I wouldn't mind, but orange is so not my color. (is it anyone's color??) Anyway... we talked a bit beforehand about the details of the scene we were recreating. Cali reminded me of some of my zingers and it took no arm-twisting to get me to agree to repeating them. We had it all down, even remembering which paddle V had switched to at count #50.

I was supposed to get 125, but I did quite a few miscounts and half (and even quarter) counts, so I guess it ended up being a few more. :-D  As always, despite having no warmup, my adrenaline surge served as an effective pain blocker. I know I must have felt it, but I honestly don't remember. V and I were in top form, antagonizing one another. When I made it clear to Dana I did NOT like being called "ma'am," V made a point of saying, "Are you going to count for me, Ma'am?" grrrrrrrrrrrr... I answered, "Yes, boy, I'll count." I was facing away from him -- can't wait to see the footage and the look on his face. He gives good face.

I think we had even more insults this time than the first time. V taunted my reactions, saying that the Bailiff would enjoy seeing me kick. I suggested that perhaps he should position his crotch in front of my foot -- maybe she'd like that, too. I sort of blanked out what happened after that. It must have hurt. :-D  Ah, but all too soon, it was over, and I was on my feet again, getting hugs.

We all know where this is going. I am there to deal with an issue, and sooner or later, he's going to break down the wall. Sooner or later, he has to win the battle, and I must give in. That's OK. But I won't mind if the battle draws out a little longer. Because I so love working with these people.

So guess what -- my first scene has been released on their site already. I watched it last night at John's. When it came to the end, there were some endnotes on a plain black screen. Among other nice things, they commended me for my courage... and they plugged my upcoming book!

"Oh my god, how nice is that??" I blurted. "What?" John said -- he doesn't read as quickly as I do. "Keep reading," I said, wanting to laugh with delight and cry at the same time. A couple of seconds later: "Wow. How about that? That IS nice."

You know, I realize I don't cut people a lot of slack and I can nurse an injustice until the world comes to an end. But conversely, I don't take kindness for granted, either. I appreciate it, and I don't forget it. So thank you, SC folks. You have made me feel very, very good indeed.

They had just one more scene to shoot after mine, so I hung out for a while, then left a little after 5:00. John and I had a nice evening; of course, I was hyper and wound up as always after a shoot. But later, I crashed and nearly fell asleep in front of the TV. It was great to be with him and I was relieved that he was feeling a bit better, even though he was kind of run down. At least he had an appetite. The periodontist thinks he may have an infection deep in the root, but for now, all they can do is keep an eye on it. But they don't want to mess around with it too much -- what with the connection between tooth disease and heart disease, and his already damaged heart, they will monitor this carefully.

I will always worry about him. For the moment, though, I am feeling at peace.

But wait, there's more.

The icing on my weekend cake? Tonight, the lovely Pink made my blog her July Blog of the Month, and wrote up a witty and complimentary tribute. I make no secret of the fact that hers is one of my favorite blogs, and I am honored indeed. Thank you, sweetie!

But wait, there's still more. Tomorrow's Monday!! :-D  Guess I'd better get some sleep, huh...

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 7/8

Greetings and happy Friday. Congratulations to all my fellow Chrosslings.

This week, we have a couple of repeat offenders. Remember this guy? It seems he will not be ignored.

I HAVE AN INSATIABLE ASS FETISH. I'M SEEKING A PLAYDATE-PARTNER.I'M VERY DESCREET AND I LOVE OLDER WOMEN AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FEMALE ASS.SO MESSAGE ME BACK ASAP.

I guess he still hasn't found his dream ass. Amazing.

And the 19-year-old from last time piped up again:

id love to have you sit on my face ;]

Yeah, and I'd love for Sarah Palin to be rendered mute. That's not happening either.

Received this on FetLife:

Love your awesome 50 something petite build

He then went on to invite me to join his group and provided a link. I clicked on it and was taken to the group "Skinny Thin Sluts."

No thanks. I already belong to "Slender Lightweight Hussies."

The next gentleman seems to be a photographer who is critiquing one of my pictures. Hard to tell with all the illiteracy.

working on the photo thing would LOVE to do a lot better than I saw in your pics. and warm your ass up a little more. was disapointed you were not tied to te chair. but really enjoyed the fact you had a garte belt and stocking on

Perhaps you should work on the writing thing instead.

Everyone's a critic, apparently:

your bottom needs more redesspurple to it hummmmm..nice thights very nice!!!

Pray tell, what color is redesspurple? I don't recall that one from my Crayola 64-Pack.

This is not really part of the CHoS; it is simply a statement I found as I cruised the blogosphere this morning:

It is indeed a fact that most men want younger women.

(sigh) With all due respect, sir -- given the amount of correspondence I receive, good and bad, from men younger than myself, and how many younger men have happily played with me, I'd say you might be assuming a bit too much. But thank you for helping perpetuate the stereotype.

To wrap up last Friday, John is on antibiotics and he's seeing a periodontist today. It seems this time around, he will be OK. Thanks to everyone who was concerned.

Funny side note about that day... I love puzzles. I do crossword puzzles every day, and I almost always have a jigsaw puzzle in the works. Not the super-super hard ones; they have to have lots of different colors and an interesting picture, or else I get bored. The 750-piece ones are a perfect size. Anyway... as of last Friday, I was only two-thirds done with one I'd been working on for weeks. As I climbed the walls waiting to hear from John, I discovered that I couldn't work on the puzzle and think about him at the same time. So I immersed myself in the puzzle.

Think maybe I was a bit stressed out?

Yup, I finished it, all in one afternoon. When I put the last piece in at around 6:30, I felt about five seconds of triumph, then my mind swung right back to, "Oh gawd, where IS he?" I am hopeless, truly. But it all worked out.

Back to Spanking Court tomorrow; can't wait! :-D  Wish me luck. Have a great weekend, y'all.

In case you were wondering...

...or even if you weren't, I figured it was time for an update.

1. Where is my book?

As you may recall, my dear buddy Zelle is designing the cover for me. Her life is very hectic at the moment and the setup in Photoshop is intricate and rather tedious, so it's been slow going. And then, a storm happened. While she was working on it. Power surge. Poof. Hours of work, gone. Yes, she does have a surge protector. Unfortunately, it's at her house, and she was at her mother's house at the time.

Poor Zelle. I think she woke the surrounding neighborhoods with her expletives.

So we've had a little setback there. But it will be done soon. Once I have the final cover, then it's back in my hands and I can begin the publishing process. I have decided that the writing is done. No more tweaking.

2. What happened to my Spanking Court clips?

Let's recap. Beginning of May, I shot two courtroom scenes and two spanking scenes. Then in June, I continued the saga, shooting another courtroom scene and an extended spanking scene. However, nothing has been released yet.

Apparently, there was a SNAFU. Don't know the details, but one of my spanking scenes from the May shoot exists only in my memory now. It went the way of Zelle's cover file -- poof! And of course, it's the second scene... the really intense one. The one where I pulled out all the stops and treated The Villain and Dana to the full Erica Attitude.

(sigh) I know this kind of thing happens. Don't forget, back in the Spanking Epics days, the entire cast of the Keith Jones trilogy had to go back East once again to redub all the outdoor dialogue, because of a sound problem.

So, this Saturday, instead of shooting new footage, we are reshooting that scene. Then the continuity will be unbroken, and they can start putting my clips on the site. Cali felt bad and thanked me for being so flexible. (I should keep that email forever; it's a rare occasion when anyone uses the word "flexible" about me!)

Fortunately, thanks to this blog and my elephantine memory, I think the scene can be easily recreated. I remember all the details -- I was rude to Dana because she called me ma'am (important detail, since that is referred to later). I screwed up the count repeatedly, on purpose. I goaded V so relentlessly, he switched from leather to wood at stroke #50.

Their August shoot will be in Tampa, because they're taking the entire Spanking Court show to the Tampa Tanners party. So, sometime in September, we will pick up again and I'll continue with new footage. I look forward to that. Since I made V lose his temper in the last scene we shot, there should be some interesting repercussions. :-)

Last night, I remarked to Zelle that perhaps I was a jinx -- I mean, two projects with which I'm connected met with unfortunate circumstances! She said that was probably true, since New Guy has to redo his work with me week after week. Smartass...

And the bottom's red glare...

...The belts cracking in air,
Gave proof to the brat,
That her Top was still there!

Yeah, I've got your Star-Spankled Banner right here!

(again with the damn tag...)

Yes indeed... who needs crowded parks and hordes of screaming kids? We had plenty of fireworks right here!

New Guy tried to go in one direction, saying I'd overreacted on Friday and gotten a lot of people worried. Hummph! I said I couldn't help it, and he said, "Well, maybe you should just stop and think!"

"Thinking is my problem!" I protested. "I think too much!"

"OK then," he said, "try not thinking?"

I asked him if he'd give me lessons on that. He didn't appreciate it.

I proceeded to argue (successfully) that I'd had a good reason for my panic on Friday and I hadn't posted that blog to stir people up unnecessarily, that there was no malice on my part. He agreed that I was right. He didn't stop, however.

"Well, I thought I was spanking you for a good reason."

"There you go, thinking again," I snapped. "I told you, stop doing things you're not used to."

That did it. OTK was over.

Onto the bed I went, and he stood so he could get a full swing.

Hey! I just realized he didn't say, "Oh, did that hurt?" this time. Not even once. Whaddaya know.

Oh, but he was in extra good form tonight, having himself quite the grand time at the expense of my poor maligned backside. And get this -- he's been playing a lot of guitar lately (even going to talent nights at clubs) and he had the nerve to say, "You know, I think we should dispense with the hand spanking. It's not good for my hand; I need to take better care of it."

"Not good for your hand???" I echoed incredulously.

"Yeah, it's bad for my knuckles!"

"Then don't USE your knuckles, stupid!" Oh crap. I said that out loud, didn't I.

Later, still on the musical theme, he was beating out melodies on my butt with the paddle and trying to make me guess what they were. OK, I got "Shave and a Haircut." But then I couldn't get the next one for the life of me.

He laughed. "It's 'Danny Boy'!"

Of course it is. You've got to be @#$%ing kidding me.

Then he tried another one. I didn't get that one, either.

"It's 'Jingle Bells' -- I thought I'd try something more recognizable!"

"Jingle Bells????" I screeched. "It's JULY, for Christ's sake!" No wonder I didn't figure it out. "Jingle Bells," indeed.

Besides, who can make out any sort of melody when all these damned toys are coming down on them?

He'd come over an hour earlier than usual, but alas, he left early as well. Last week, he hadn't left until nearly 10:00 -- he still had to drive home, walk his dog, etc., and didn't get enough sleep. Said that was my fault, as well. Of course it was, dear. (rolling eyes)

Ah, but I kid. I was so, so glad to see him, as always. He put me in my Happy Place. Can you tell?

I look stoned, don't I? No, just happily spent from the fireworks show...

Hope everyone had a spectacular 4th of July weekend. :-)

Feeling mildly silly...

... for giving in so thoroughly to stinking thinking on Friday. But you know, just writing about it helped. For everyone who commented and who dropped me notes privately, thank you. :-)

John did all the right things (well, except for not calling and not answering his damned texts/voicemail) -- he went to the doctor and the dentist and he's staying on top of his health. The reason why he got so horribly sick last year was because he put off seeing the doctor for five weeks. He won't do that again. So maybe I need to relax a little. (Yeah, right. After I scale Mt. Everest in my bare feet and break the Guinness record for most consecutive cartwheels.) Well, it's good to have goals, anyway.

Enough of that. We had a nice, peaceful weekend after I got there Friday night. Tomorrow, NG is coming over late afternoon to get the July 4th fireworks started on my butt. Life is good.

Just to end on a humorous note -- I'm sure you've all seen the sexist ads of yesteryear (you know, happy housewives, macho husbands and women waxing ecstatic over cleaning products). I leave you with the Worst. Ad. Ever. Yes, ladies, in case you can't read the small print -- all you need for a happy, successful marriage is to keep your cooch clean and antiseptic! (I can't believe Lysol was used for that... aaack!!) If you double-click on the picture, you can read it more easily.

Horrible-izing

That is John's descriptive term for what I do. When there is an uncertain situation, when I don't have all the facts about something and it could go one way or the other, my glass-half-empty mind wanders to the dark side, and I imagine the worst-case scenario. I know I do this, and logically, I know feelings aren't facts and I needn't give in to this. But viscerally, the fear and panic come in and threaten to overwhelm me.

I hate being like this. Damn, I hate it. Because life is seldom without some sort of uncertainty going on. But some uncertainties are easier to live with than others.

This past week, when I spoke with John on the phone both Monday and Tuesday evenings, I thought he sounded odd, more tired than usual. He'd had those days off, since he had some administrative time off he had to use up, so I figured he'd be well rested. He said he'd worn himself out doing yardwork, pruning trees, cleaning his house, etc. OK, that made sense.

Wednesday evening, we didn't speak, because I got home late from the gym and he went to bed early, as he was going back to work on Thursday. So we spoke last night, and he casually dropped some bad news.

I should preface this by saying that John has the best dental hygiene of anyone I've ever known in my life. However, everyone in his family has bad teeth, so he is prone to a lot of dental problems. His teeth crack constantly. He has had several crowns and root canals. He had one tooth pulled about 10 years ago, because of an infection that would not clear up no matter what they did. And every time he has any kind of dental work done, he is at risk, because he's infection-prone. And with his bad heart, infections can be deadly.

Last night, he told me that a tooth had been bothering him, so he went in to have it checked. Things snowballed from there... it could be a lot of things, but they suspect an abscess and possibly a cracked root. If the root is cracked, they'll have to pull the tooth, but if there's an infection, then he has to go through a bunch of expensive rigmarole. Not good.

That alone made me nervous, because when he was so violently ill at the end of last year, it was due to a strep infection, from germs that reside in the mouth. But then he dropped another bombshell. He confessed that he's been feeling lousy all week, and he was going in to his HMO that afternoon to have blood drawn. 

Oh NO, not this again!

I never stop worrying about him. Those months nearly did me in, watching him deteriorate before my eyes, and then taking so long to recover. Even though he has gained back his weight, is exercising again and looks great, he's always tired and it scares me, but we don't talk about it. Each week, I just hope he'll be OK and I make sure he gets lots of rest on the weekends.

But now he may be sick again, and if he needs major dental work done, that will up his risk.

It is mid-afternoon, and I know nothing. He went to work today, and I've been waiting to hear from him for an update, but haven't gotten one. I texted him, but he has not replied. He's seeing the dentist at 4:30 today. I have no idea how long he'll be there. And all day, I have felt free-floating fear.

I went out, trying to distract myself, and ran errands. It just made me feel worse, as it's hot as hell outside and that made me edgier. My apartment is very cool, comfortable and quiet, and I'm sitting here, trying to relax and wait. It's the beginning of the holiday weekend, and everyone is busy doing something or another. I don't want to bother anyone. It's not what I do. When I am scared, my loner nature is stronger than ever and I withdraw.

So I'm writing. I have to get it out somehow. Sorry to be a downer, but it really helps me when I get this crap out in the open.

There is good news in all this. Last time, John was sick for a whopping five weeks before going to the doctor, which nearly killed him (and me, too). At least he learned -- this time, he went to the doctor after just a couple of days of not feeling well. I'm grateful for that. If he does have a bacterial infection going on, they can give him antibiotics, which will help with the tooth situation too.

Anyway. I will update when I know more. Again, I'm sorry to dump. I do hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and you're doing something fun!