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Sunday, January 25, 2015

Breathless -- a parody

Last week while in session with Steve, I found myself once or twice struggling to catch my breath, because I was feeling things so intensely. As I consciously regulated my breathing, my head was suddenly filled with the voice of Jerry Lee Lewis, hissing "Brrreathlesssssssss....ahhh." Of course, a parody was conceived at that moment.

You know, I think I get why my song parodies don't usually get much reaction. My songs are too damned old! With at least half the stuff I parody, people haven't heard of the freaking originals! (sigh) I mean, I personally think that one of my more brilliant efforts was "Tops Without Pity," but really, who else remembers Gene Pitney's "Town Without Pity" from 1961? Or Elvis Presley's "Kiss Me Quick," from which I got "Spank Me Quick"? What can I say, I'm an oldie and I love oldies! 

I know, I know... I should try doing parodies of something more current. But nothing quite strikes me. Oh, I'll get the inspiration for a line or two. For example, Meghan Trainor's oh-so-overplayed "All About the Bass" got me thinking of writing a ditty about a person who doesn't like heavy scenes. I got as far as:

I'm all about the red,
'Bout the red,
No purple!

I'm all about the marks,
'Bout the marks,
No bleeding!

But after that, I ran dry.

I suppose Pharrell Williams's "Happy" cries out for a parody called "Slappy." But I can't come up with that either. My brain doesn't seem to want to work with newer material. Oh well.

So anyway... here is Jerry Lee Lewis's 1958 original version of "Breathless." If nothing else, it's a cool little piece of vintage rock and roll, and you can enjoy The Killer pounding the bejesus out of the piano. And then following is my rendition. :-)

Now if you’re toppy, then
Please don’t tease
Why don’cha scold me, put me
O’er your knees!
My legs thrash ‘round and ‘round
My pants come tumblin’ down
You spank me, breathless… ah.

Oh, I’m red all over
And you know why
I’m sure it hurts, honey, that’s no lie
‘Cause when you smack my ass
I burn like dried-up grass
You spank me, breathless… ah.

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!
My mouth’s too much
I can’t sass you enough
So it’s all right, to show your might
And when you spank me
Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Now come on, make me
All black and blue
‘Cause spanking’s meant for me and you
Hand, crop, brush or strap
I’m gonna be on top of your lap
You have spanked me, breathless… ah!

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!
My mouth’s too much
I can’t sass you enough
So it’s all right, to show your might
And when you spank me
Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Well, come on, baby
Now don’t be shy
Just let me have it till I moan and sigh!
Whack, crack, snap and sting
I’m gonna love the pain that you bring
You spank me... ahhhhhhhh... Breathless!


  1. This will doubtlessly become another classic in the field! :-)

  2. Hell yeah, I remember that song! Good parody too.

    Keep 'em coming,

    Anon E. Mouse

  3. MrJ -- hope so!

    Kelly -- thanks. :-)

    Mouse -- oh good, someone remembers it.

  4. KB -- glad a few people seem to be recognizing the song, at least! :-)

  5. You're younger than I am (I'm pretty sure; I'm 61), so with me the problem isn't that the songs are old, it's that your memory for them is so much better than mine. I came to popular music later than most, but even if I'd been average, I might not remember a Jerry Lee Lewis song from the year I turned 5 or a Gene Pitney from the year I turned 8. I mostly remember oldies that get played over and over on oldies stations to refresh my memory. My point (if I have one) is that the recognition problem may be attributable to your knowledge of songs that the rest of us have forgotten.

    Michael from Texas

  6. Michael -- that could be true. I have a ridiculous brain for music trivia (movies and TV, too). My dad was the same. Different generations are familiarized with music from the past through the various media. I wasn't around for Frank Sinatra, for example, but I certainly know his music. Same deal with today's generation knowing the Beatles. But I remember individual songs, names, one-hit wonders, all that sort of thing. I wish I had the same brain for history and geography and science!

  7. Hi Erica -- I Love it :-) It's AWESOME :-) You always do a GREAT job with these. I have heard of this song before LOL :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade/ Emily Jean :-)