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Thursday, February 6, 2014

Beside myself

No jokes, no funny rants this time. I am seeing every shade of red and I need a voice of reason, some calming words, advice, whatever is out there.

In cruising the spanko blogosphere and the various Tumblr photo sites, one link led to another and I found myself on one of the most disgusting Tumblr blogs I've ever seen.

No, I will not link it here. I don't want to guide any more traffic to this filth. But I will describe it. In short, it's a photo site that promotes hatred and degradation of women. All women are inferior, we're whores, we're fucktoys and nothing more, and deserve to be treated like crap.

Just one of the charming examples: A gif of a naked woman, legs spread, weeping in pain while a man whips her genitalia fiercely. The caption: "If she has a c***, she deserves to be punished for it."

No, it's not just about my feelings for that word. I understand the kink of humiliation, about how some people get into that. But I don't see this blog as being about kink. It's about misogyny.

I have seen plenty of photos and blogs and posts in my time that turn me off, get me riled up. But I have never wanted to retaliate against a site as much as I do now. I want to report this. I want to see this person take some heat.

Am I out of line? Is this simply another case of "freedom of speech," and there's nothing that can be done? Is there a cap on the amount of hate-mongering allowed out there? Can Tumblr blogs be reported, and if so, how? If I can, should I? Or should I just pretend I never saw it and leave it alone?

Breathe, Erica. Breathe.


  1. As hard as it may be to do -- especially in this moment of passion -- I suggest you direct your energies to things you can control. As awful as that blog is, what is more awful is letting the words consume you and take root inside of you. If the content angers or you feel it violates a code of conduct then you can certainly try to report the blog (Email

    But do you really want to let whoever wrote this to control you? That is what is happening. And I know this person doesn't deserve to have that effect on you. Equally important, Erica, is to breathe and get that rage out of your system (exercise, dancing, a good spanking, screaming, whatever). Don't let that person's worldview (or attempt to provoke) cloud the way your interact with others or condition how you respond when you hear that word, or see those types of images. This is an isolated situation, not a reflection of how other men or women think and act.

    Big hugs,

  2. KC -- thank you for this. You're right, of course. I was hoping for a calm voice of reason, because I know I am having a knee-jerk reaction. I just can't stand that there is so much hate out there and people are able to express it so freely and blatantly.

    I will take a step back, and will be heading to the gym soon. Big hugs back to you. ♥

  3. I think it can be reported. I think you have the right to report it. I doubt it is USA and especially some of the middle east countries would probably see nothing wrong with the site. Being an old newsgroup user, I know that most of the major kink sites would shut it down. I suggest you ask Danny or Eve and give them the info. Finally, I know nothing about Tumbir. I don't know what their policy is. I really am sorry that you got to the site, but remember if you do report this, there is a chance you might expose yourself. Remember what happened to John not long ago. Hal

  4. Hal -- what happened to John is a completely different situation. Also, I don't worry about my own exposure. John has a great deal to lose, but I do not.

  5. As distasteful as the page might be, it doesn't sound illegal, just terrible unpleasant. Personally, I would chaulk this experience up to a matter of "some people are jerks" and move on. Perhaps with a post-it note to myself to avoid wandering certain parts of the web.

  6. Anonymous -- yeah, I know. I shouldn't have looked in the first place. (sigh)

  7. Yes, please breathe. And just continue do so for, say, the next four decades. ;-))
    If only for that, enjoy life and ignore any filth. It has already betrayed itself as such.

  8. Disclaimer...When it comes to things like this, I may not be the sound voice of reason you're looking for.
    I would likely be inclined to email the poster and let him know what a piece of human waste I think he is.

  9. MrJ -- FOUR more decades? I appreciate the thought, but good gawd, please, no. :-)

  10. Kelly -- believe me, it's tempting!

  11. It is disgusting that "noticing" this sort of site gives the creep who posts it the gratification they crave...notoriety

  12. Don -- true. Which is why I didn't link the blog. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of extra attention.

  13. Erica, were the women displayed in that blog all African Americans? If so, then I have already had an encounter with the sleaze over a poor attempt to insult me. In any event, don't let it annoy you. The pictures posted, while on the extreme side for your taste, are being tainted by the schmo's description of them. It shows just how much of an ultimate loser he, or she, is. Hopefully this is said person's only means of expression and they are not at large in the public.

  14. Loki -- no, the ones I saw were white. The more time that's passing, the sillier I'm feeling for reacting so strongly. I know there's nothing to be done about this... I guess I just needed to vent, because I found it so profoundly disturbing. :-(

  15. I agree with your emotional response!! As a LOVER of the fairer, sweet, wonderful female sex, I found the title of that blog DISGUSTING, and I didn't even waste my time going to that blog to read ANY of it!!

    God created woman for mankind because he KNEW that the species NEEDED "improvement"!!!!!

    Loving your blog and insights,


  16. This shows your strong passion and how you respect yourself and other women...Not wanting to see them degraded like that gets to you...I understand your contempt for this and it makes me both sad and furious this exist.

  17. It is frightening to know that somewhere in this world there exists an individual(s) who find that type of behavior enticing. Thoughts of duress or involuntarily recruitment through human trafficking are always concerns when these type of abusive behaviors are promoted.

  18. Hi Erica -- That website sounds SICK :-( I don't blame you for being angry, that would disturb me too. No one should have the right to degrade and abuse women like that.It's just so WRONG. I think by you staying away from that crazy website is a good idea.Eventually the sick individuals of that website will face their own karma :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  19. Nancy -- thank you for the understanding. I do feel passionate about this sort of thing.

    Vfrat -- true. I really don't like thinking about breathing the same air as these people.

    Jade -- I wish I believed in karma. I hope you're right.

  20. (I wasn't making sense, so I started over...)

    What I was trying to say was: it's one thing to do this sort of thing in the context of a scene and two consenting adults. It's another to exploit that kind of attitude as an outward statement/presentation of your "beliefs." Yes, we live in a nation where freedom of speech is granted to all--whether we prefer to want to read/hear it or not. Best advice: ignore it.

  21. Craig -- absolutely. Consensual scenes are a different story. This site definitely wasn't anything about kink or consent or anything else other than hatred, which is what got me so upset. And sometimes, I know I really need to stop reading. Like the other day when I was reading the roster of racist tweets after the Super Bowl Coke commercial. (sigh)

    1. Why don't you just leave it alone? Sheesh! ;-)

  22. Erica,

    I believe I've visited that unpleasant site in my search for spanko friendly links. Not only did they not get a link, the site from which I found them didn't get a link either.

    I think the best defense against hatred and bigotry is honesty, courage, and forthright discussion. Bloggers have an ideal forum to educate (as well as to entertain). There's nothing sexy about misogyny. As mothers, grandmother, wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, and friends, we are the foot soldiers of civilization. We can and should spread the word about respect, consent, and tolerance.

    The best outcome for such sites is not government or commercial censorship, but mass rejection where no one visits and no one links them. There is no better use for your browser's back button.

    I completely understand why you reacted as you did. This content is offensive in the extreme, and perhaps worse yet, confusing to those who don't understand our kink.

    Let's drown out their feeble voices with positive, civil, rational messages.


  23. Yes, Erica, you have summed it up in one sentence. FREEDOM OF SPEECH. In the sports world of to-day, there is EXTREME SPORTS. Where athletes go out of their way to beat each other nearly killing themselves trying to outdo the other. a la SNOW BOARDING. There is a news channel, called FOX NEWS, who go to the EXTREME NEWS, of BASHING PRESIDENT OBAMA, 24 hours a day. Of course we have the same on SPANKO blogs, were some go for attention to be EXTREME. Yes, of course because of being excused of censorship, we must ALLOW such EXTREME THOUGHTS. Even if some of us disagree with those thoughts. XXX Luv ya.

  24. Bonnie -- oh, how I miss you. So glad you're still popping in on us! ♥

    You're right; rejecting this kind of filth is key, and setting a proper example.

    Six -- that's pretty sad. But I guess it comes with the territory of freedom.

  25. Erica, SAD TO SAY. There are too many countries around this world, where even YOUR INNOCENT SPANKING BLOG, would not be in play. In many of those countries, I've tried to fight for FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Sometimes with deaf ears hearing my pleads. Because its a NEVER ENDING BATTLE. And will not be solved for many years to come.

  26. There is a difference between freedom of speech and physical abuse. If this site in in the US and the activity was not consensual, then it was abuse and the authorities should step in. If it was consensual, then there may not be anything you can do about it.

    I think not linking to such sites and not going there are the ways to make a strong statement that the kind of treatment on there is not something to be tolerated. Unfortunately, there a too many out there who like this kind of crap.

    Some idiots forget that if it hadn't been for a woman, they wouldn't be here.

  27. Bobbie Jo -- "Some idiots forget that if it hadn't been for a woman, they wouldn't be here." Best comment EVER.

  28. Yes, you can report tumblr blogs, but you might have to have a tumblr in order to report one. You can flag them for spam/harassment or both. Unforunately, tumblr has a lot of 'daddy doms' who write inane shit on pictures. Like, "Kneel bitch." Or here let me give your mouth something useful, etc.

  29. Anonymous -- yeah. (sigh) This guy wasn't even a daddy or a dom type, though. He was all about hating and degrading women, period. But I'm not going to change his mind, certainly, and if he goes down, someone else will go up.

  30. I understand your anger. I have lived way too near (my father in law) a narcissistic misogynist constantly. I have no doubt he would like to see me abused like this - or even do it himself. All I was ever of use for is birthing his heirs. He has often said he wished I was 'gone', since they were born. Lucky for me, my dear husband was not raised by this man, but by a loving and wonderful step father. And he didn't seem to inherit any of this nasty gene structure either.

    You are right. You won't change his mind. In fact, if he is like my fil, he would either look at your comment as 'stupid female' or take it as a compliment - or both.

    If we had been smarter, my husband and I would have moved far away, 20+ years ago. But hindsight is 20./20.

    Now, after 30 years of mental abuse from him (on a very subversive level), I have finally learned to be able to ignore him. I just wish my husband could as well. He dishes most of his verbal/psychological abuse on my husband now, because my husband is 'too stupid to divorce me.'

    Sorry, didn't mean to vent. I am just glad I didn't run across the blog. But I am glad I found yours.

  31. Jayda -- he sounds like a dreadful man, and I'm so glad your husband has none of his tendencies. Sometimes, blood family isn't worth a damn. Glad you found me as well!