A play partnership is not some generic thing

Last Friday, Alex wrote what I considered a brilliant post about compatibility with spanking partners. She likened our special type of relationship to puzzle pieces (with visual aids, even!) and made the point that you can't just cram any piece to fit with another. Well, you can, I guess, if you insist, and they may interlock somewhat, but not well enough to say that they really fit properly and comfortably.

In other words, it's not all that easy finding a compatible spanking partner. (Go read Alex's blog; I'll wait.)

I would like to build upon her metaphor -- if finding the right partner is as complex as finding a correct puzzle-piece fit among hundreds of others, wouldn't it stand to reason that said partner would not be easily replaceable? Or interchangeable?

Perhaps some spankos aren't as picky as I am. More power to them; they have more choices! But it's not easy for me to find a man I can really feel close to, can trust thoroughly, can submit to. (Yes, I said the S word.) Who gets me, whose play desires run along the same lines as mine, who respects John's presence in my life...so many factors. So when I do, it really ticks me off when people suggest that someone else could take easily take over for him when he's not available. 

Because Alex already covered the puzzle metaphor beautifully, I'm going in another direction. Something that everyone can certainly relate to: chocolate.

Who doesn't love brownies, right? They're delicious. But they come in so many different varieties; no two from two different sources are quite alike. And everyone has their preferences.

Me? My ideal brownie is as follows: Moist and fudge-y, but not super gooey like fudge. Very chocolate-y, not cloyingly sweet, but not bittersweet, either. Walnuts or pecans are a must, in just the right measure, and mixed into the batter, not just sprinkled on the top. No frosting. And should there happen to be chocolate chips thrown in there, I'm in Brownie Nirvana.

Now say I find this perfect brownie at XYZ Bakery. Always fresh, always good, always satisfying. So I make regular trips to XYZ Bakery to feed my craving.

One day, I go to XYZ and they tell me that they're out of brownies, and are not sure when they'll have more. Granted, it's not a necessity like food, water and air, but it's something I love. And I'm going to be quite put off if I tell my friends about how I'm missing my XYZ brownies and they say things like, "What's the big deal? Just go to the QRS Bakery," or "Go buy some at the market." Or, even worse, "Bake some yourself." No. That's too much work and nowhere near as satisfying. (Yes, that comparison with self-spanking is intentional.)

OK, I know this is silly. Human relationships are far more complex and rich than a beloved dessert. So why would people minimize them by suggesting substitutes?

I have had people say to me, "I would think someone with your connections would have spankers lining up for you." Thank you, but 1. I really don't, and 2. I wouldn't want generic spankers lining up for me anyway. I want quality, not quantity. Quantity is great fun for the light-hearted spanking play during the big weekend extraganzas, but for a more intimate connection, quality is key.

I've had men say to me, "I'll be happy to take over for Steve in the interim," when he's sick or busy. Um... what makes them think this is something I want? If I wanted just anyone, I'd place an ad on Craigslist and meet up with a different one of the 150 respondents every day. I'd go to one local group's parties and play "Musical Laps." I'm not making this up; they do this, ala the old kids' game "Musical Chairs." (I can't think of anything I'd rather do less at a spanking party. Just fall over a random lap? ACK!) As I'd mentioned before, one man even said, "Why don't you just go to the Top store and get a new one?" I know he was kidding, but that annoyed me to bits. That's an insult to Steve, suggesting he's that replaceable, and it's an insult to me, implying that all I need is a hand and a lap and I'm good.

Many spankos play with their spouse or SO and no one else, and that's fine. They don't want to go outside their primary relationship and I can understand that. But for those of us who do, things can be very complicated and there's a fine balance to maintain. And it's not easy to maintain that with just anyone. Throw in the need to have chemistry and connection of some sort, plus at least somewhat compatible preferences, and you add a lot more hay to the elusive needle.

So please. Don't diminish the importance of people's spanking relationships by suggesting in any way that they are interchangeable. Steve is deeply special, as was ST before him, and others I have known. Just as John is irreplaceable in his own right, his own place in the center of my heart, so is my spanking partner.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.