Well, the spirit was willing, anyway

But apparently, my flesh is temporarily fakakt. (That's Yiddish for, well, you figure it out.)

I am so over this healing business. It sucks. How do people do these types of surgeries over and over? I never want to do this again!! I know I will be happy with the end result, but holy crap, no amount of reading really prepares one for the experience. My vanity is really biting me in the ass right now.

Monday was lovely; my girls Alex and SpankCake came by to visit me, and Steve did a drive-by so that they could finally meet one another. I wasn't up for eating much, so I told them to pick up whatever they wanted for lunch. They came with enough sushi for about four people, so Steve had some as well. They stayed for over five hours and it was great fun to see them.

By Tuesday, when Steve was due to visit, I was very much on edge. I knew I was severely limited on anything physical -- I certainly couldn't lie on my stomach and put my face down, or anything remotely like that, but I was so dying to play, just a little, just to feel that sensation and maybe some tension release. After he arrived, we discussed it. I suggested standing in the doorway to the hall, leaning into it and bracing my hands on the sides. At this point, because I didn't want my body jarred, I figured I wanted sting rather than heavy impact, so we decided on his hand and maybe a little bit of wooden spoon for some surface bite.

It had only been two weeks since I last played. But with the way my body reacted, you'd think it had been six months!

First, I had almost no pain tolerance. It could have been the awkwardness of the position, but it hurt a lot more than usual, even though he was going easy on me. After a while, I did settle into it a bit and started liking it, but still, it was hard to hold that position and I really wished I could hunker down somewhere, get off my feet. But I couldn't. My head needs to stay above my heart for now.

And once he started with the spoon, it went downhill from there. Within maybe a couple of minutes, he stopped, telling me there was blood. WTF??? We tried to work around it, but soon gave up. It just wasn't going to work. It was too soon, I guess. 

Well, I got my release, anyway. Because after that aborted attempt, I bawled and bawled. "I just want to be normal again!" I wept. "What's happened to me? What fun can you possibly have playing with me when I'm like this?"

So, so silly. But Steve was wonderful. He cuddled me close and told me he was here for me, no matter what condition I was in. That this was temporary and after a couple of weeks more of recovery, I'd be able to get back up to speed. And in the meantime, he just enjoyed seeing me and hanging out. Finally, I wound down and felt a little better.

But what a shock! I mean, my butt is nowhere near my face, for heaven's sake. It really is amazing, what a shock to the entire system surgery is. This is me after just those few minutes -- look at those white spots!

I thought, OK, that's just temporary, and it will all fade away like it always does. But shock again, it didn't. This was two hours later:

The Bionic Bottom is now apparently Buns of Jell-O...

(sigh) This too shall pass, like everything else. But yeah, I confess that I've been freaking out. It's only been two weeks tomorrow, but it feels like much longer. I want to be fully recovered and looking/feeling good now. But it will happen in my body's time, and I need to chill and wait this out. 

The good news: saw my doc and got the rest of my stitches removed. He was very patient and understanding about my fears, reassured me that everything is progressing normally and that I will get my spirits back and it will all be worth it. Still can't do a thing with my hair, but screw it; that's what bandannas are for. And while I can't do any cardio for at least another couple of weeks, I did get the green light for some walking and some (light) resistance exercise.

Oh, and I can chew again. Chewing food is good. :-)

Onward. I see my doc in two weeks. Until then, a day at a time. And maybe we'll try the crop next time?