Enough with the damn shaming already!

It seems we live in a very shaming society. Fat-shaming, and its backlash sister, skinny-shaming. Slut-shaming. Kink-shaming. Age-shaming. Every time you turn around, there's something to be judged over and feel bad about. It gets old.

What's got me pissed off is more specifically the fat vs. thin shaming crap that goes on everywhere, including, yes, our beloved FetLife, which is supposedly a place of acceptance and inclusion. (Right. And the moon is a place of unicorns and fairies.)

You know, we all have our preferences. That's what makes the world go 'round, and that's what ensures that there's someone for everyone. So this isn't an argument about what's better, healthier, more pleasing aesthetically. This is about having your preferences and being able to express them in ways that don't insult all the other varieties. Why can't people just say they like something without throwing in how much the other somethings suck?

I've been all over the scale in my life. I've been this weight (120-125) for many years, but I was also down to 103 at one point, and up to 160 at another. I know all the feelings of the opposite extremes, have experienced all the reactions. So I feel like I can speak to this. Yes, I work hard to keep myself fit and on the thinner side, because that is my preference and that's what makes me feel best. But damned if I'm going to defend it just because people who are sick of fat-shaming feel the need to be just as rude and obnoxious to thin people.

Here's a perfect example, found on the Internet:

Oh, please. Yes, that's Marilyn Monroe, considered the sex symbol of the 20th Century. And the person on the right was deliberately chosen (and probably Photoshopped) to look extra thin. But, "fuck society"? Fuck you! Why the comparison? Why the need to put down one body type to build up the other? Stop stating your damn opinions as facts. What's attractive or not is your opinion... period. You don't speak for me or for anyone else. And honestly, your opinions lose a great deal of validity when you feel the need to back them with insults. 

So what got me going on this? A post on FetLife, what else. A 39-year-old guy from somewhere in New York wrote what he claimed was a tongue-in-cheek piece called "Why I'd Rather Play with a 'Bigger Than Skinny' Girl." Yes, the wording of that title is clumsy, but verbatim. He then went on to list the top 10 reasons why bigger is better.

I won't bother listing them. But here are a few highlights:

Bigger girls don't break when you beat on them. A cane on "skin and bones" = a trip to the ER.

He likes to socialize with food, and he hates how skinny women order "grilled chicken salads with no dressing, no croutons, and hold the bacon."

Bigger women have curves. If he wanted to play with a pine board, he'd go buy a play partner at Home Depot.

He likes his women feisty, and "92-pound women don't struggle." They're too weak.

You get the idea. Anyway, this thing exploded. To date, it has gotten 2,344 "loves" and a whopping 732 comments. And because it pissed off a lot of people, he wrote a couple of edits, including this one, which I'm quoting in part: 

I'm not "skinny shaming" or whatever the fuck that is folks. This was a tongue in cheek piece meant to make you giggle. If you don't get the joke and understand the concept of irony, then you're a jackass. The whole point was to have everyone reflect on how stupid it is to judge someone on weight.

Oh, baloney. You want to indicate how stupid it is to judge someone on weight, by writing a piece that judges on weight?? Brilliant. 

A lot of the comments were even worse than the original piece. People get very militant about weight discussions, and many cheered him, adding their own snarks and outrageously hostile barbs to thin people while they were at it. One of my favorites:

When I top, I like to see bruises. On the bottom. Not on me from their hipbones.

*insert massive eye roll here*

Of course, there was backlash. Many people didn't like it and said so. They were sneered at, told they had no sense of humor, that they need to shut the fuck up, etc. Because of course, if you disagree with someone's writing, you're instantly a humorless, brainless a-hole.

I stopped reading after one commenter wrote:

The best thing about sex with a fat girl is you know she'll always swallow.

When I found myself screaming at the computer monitor and wanting to punch this pig in the face, I knew I needed to log off and get away from this BS. So I finally did. But damned if I wasn't going to blow off some steam over it.

You like big women? Play with them, and Godspeed to you. You like small women? Same thing. Say what you prefer? Yes, you're allowed, if you're polite about it. But shut up with your stupid put-downs and your shaming of the types that don't meet your standards. Just knock it off. Nobody wants to hear you or read you.

A few thoughts -- yup, I like grilled chicken salad with no croutons and no bacon. String me up! What do you care what I eat when I go out with you? You want me there for my company, or do you simply want someone there to justify your own food choices? I happen to like salads and vegetables. I also happen to love chocolate and bread. Eat what you want, let me eat what I want, and mind your own damn business.

Hmmm. I've been playing relatively hard for many years, and I've never ended up in the ER. I've never broken. And as for thin girls not being feisty, well... raising hand. Don't make me come rain my snarkasm on your sorry ass.

You know those two rounded blobs of flesh on my chest? They're called boobs. And those things that round out below my waist? Those are my hips. I do too have curves, and don't you forget it. I've never had anyone confuse me for lumber at Home Depot. 

Anyway, enough. I'm sure I made way too big a deal out of this, but sometimes, the camel's back breaks. (Especially if it's a skinny camel -- HAR!) And I get so damn sick of stupid people. I really do need to find my own planet. But until I do, I will settle for a hearty rant now and then to help keep myself sane.

When I posted my comment to the thread in question (and I was quite civil, I might add), I ended it by saying it was just my two cents. Then I added, "Well, since I'm thin, I guess it's only worth one-and-a-half cents." :-) OK, so I couldn't resist a little sarcasm.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stop bitching and go do some work, which is really what I should have been doing yesterday instead of tormenting myself with idiocy.

Have a great weekend, y'all.