Just because

I'm always happy to see Steve. But sometimes, I really, really need to Steve. Just because.

Because he is so much more than my top. He is my friend and my confidant, and at times, my rock. Because sometimes, life feels like shifting sand under my feet, and I find stability under his hand, or in his arms. 

I don't like ceding control, or showing weakness. But he gives me permission with his presence. 

John and I often talk about what makes a perfect scene. He says, for him, an ideal scene is a blend of physical, mental, and sexual. The physical activity needs to be present and handled well, but without the head space, it's just pain. Also without the sexual arousal, it's just pain.

I modify that a little, I think. Maybe it's just semantics. But I prefer physical, emotional, and either sexual or sensual. Emotional, for me, encompasses so much more than mental -- not just my head space, but all the feelings I'm experiencing. And while some would say that any spanking is sexual, simply by its nature (intimate contact, bare flesh, etc.), I don't always think of it as sexual, especially in party play. But sensual it is for sure. The touch, the caress, the slap, the hand in my hair. The sensuality of the varying touches feeds my skin hunger.

Today, after talking for a while, I decided to set the mood by surprising him with Secretary -- he'd never seen it, and I picked up a copy on Amazon. I know the scene community is divided on this film and I won't belabor all the old arguments -- the movie is 12 years old, after all. But happily, Steve loved it. 

Slight tangent here -- I have a question, for those who have seen the movie (more than once, as I have) and remember specific scenes. Do you recall the part at the end when Lee is sitting at Mr. Grey's desk in the wedding dress, refusing to move, and is slowly growing delirious with hunger and thirst as three days pass? Her fiancé came to see her in the beginning, and that was real. But remember how a parade of people came in to see her as she sat there in her stupor? Her mother, her father, her doctor, her brother-in-law, the paralegal, Grey's ex, and a strange woman with a stack of books on feminism? Were those people's visits for real, or were they in Lee's imagination? I tend to believe the latter.

Anyway... we had a deliciously intense session after that, one where I felt completely in submissive mode. (Must have been the movie.) At one point, I remember him rubbing his palm over my lower thighs, teasing, making it seem as if he were going to strike me there. Which would hurt like hell. But all I could think was, "I accept. I'm ready if that's what you choose to do."

He didn't. But I thought he would.

He liked the dress I was wearing, and wanted pictures of it.

The skirt portion is short, with a sheer, floor-length covering. 

I'd mostly faded by the time we got to these, but it's OK.

"By the way," he said after the film. "You can be a bad girl all you want, but no cockroaches, OK?" I assured him that's not my style. I can't get near one of those things without screaming like a girl. No worms, either. 

Oh, and look what he brought for me:

No special occasion, no particular reason. Just because. :-)