Thank you

I really appreciate everyone who commented to my Friday blog, self-indulgent post that it was. No one suggested that I was wallowing in self-pity, for which I am grateful. I was simply in a dark and sad place, and very tired. Probably some delayed party drop plus being sick, disappointment, dread over seeing my mother, stress over the situation with John's mother, and so on and so forth. Feeling invisible on here kind of made the house of cards topple. So thank you for being nice to me.

Wrapping up the endless Dark Shadows whining: The movie was what it was. It doesn't matter who likes it or who hates it. The reviews are mixed, but none of them are raves that I can see. A lot of what I didn't like is also disliked by the reviewers. I was going to post a collection of snippets from some of the worst reviews, but really, what's the point of that? It's over. The movie is done, it's out, it will do whatever it does and then fade away. The original will endure, as it has for the 41 years since it's been off the air.

One good thing to come out of this -- they are finally releasing House of Dark Shadows on DVD, sometime within the year. So, if any of you are curious and want to see a Dark Shadows movie -- my suggestion: See this...

Not this...

ST saw both; what a good sport. I asked him, as an objective viewer, if he thought the second movie was any sort of homage to the series (from what he knew of it). His reply: "If I didn't know differently, I wouldn't have thought one had anything to do with the other."

I think this will be the last Dark Shadows event I attend. This one made me feel old and foolish, waiting in line for so long to get perfunctory signatures from actors in their 60s and 70s, probably all thinking, "Christ, I'll never get to live that damned old show down." I did what I wanted to do most: I met my heart-throb, I got to see Jonathan Frid up close and personal, I got to see what these gatherings are about. But going again and again, year after year, attending ALL the annual festivals like the die-hards do? Nah. I'm done.

Moving on. We went to see my mom and stepdad yesterday, after struggling through two hours of horrendous traffic on three freeways. Normally, the drive takes about an hour and a quarter. This visit wasn't a shock to the system like our last one; I knew what to expect this time. My mother was fairly unresponsive, although she sort of smiled at me once. But most she sat and stared, coughed, and would say a word or two and then fade back out. She has unexplained edema in her extremities, and one arm was grossly swollen. Her skin is like paper now, and the swelling made it break in several places.

I called to her several times, but she didn't look at me. She's in her own world now. I wonder what she knows, what she hears. Whether or not she knows me.

We had dinner with my stepdad; at least he seems to have forgiven me. John was very sweet and supportive, and I don't know what I'd do without him there. He actually made me laugh a few times. When a server came to our table, offering a basket of freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, John said, "I already have my cookie, right here," and put his arms around me.

M opened up a bit about how tough things have been. At one point he looked at us, sighed, and said, "Don't grow old. I don't recommend it."

Amen. I don't, either.

There are other odds and ends of life that are on my mind as well, but honestly, I don't want to go into them. Life is feeling a bit bleak right now, but this too shall pass. It always does. I felt the purest of joy just a couple of short weeks ago. I will again.

Back to the gym this week, too. No more excuses. BBW was a good excuse, as was the cold. But "I don't feel like it" doesn't cut it.

For tonight, I'm going to sleep. And I hope everyone who is (or has) a mother, had a good day today. If not... find something that will make you feel happy. I will endeavor to do the same.