PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's https://ericalscott.wordpress.com. Please bookmark it!
The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here: www.wonderbread.com
Go on.... shoo!
Saved??
New Guy is home! He's been driving and flying cross-country for the past month, visiting friends and family. Apparently, he made a stop at some point in a family church.
Today, I received this photo via email:
Accompanying the photo was a Sunday sermon:
She who displayeth her nakedness before all the world and hath no shame shall surely suffer. For he who claims dominion over her bottom shall spanketh it without mercy. ~New Guy 3:14
Oh, God.
First, I laughed until my stomach hurt. Then I asked for his permission to repost this.
Really, what makes him think this Biblical crap stuff means anything to me? I'm Jewish, for Christ's sake. And can you believe he's still yammering about those naked pictures? The man has 23 pictures of my bare a#$ on his FetLife page.
Oh, and shouldn't he be the one in trouble for blasphemy?
Ah well. Not that I'm complaining, you understand. This time tomorrow night, I will be a very well spankethed woman. :-D
I'm so excited for you! Life hasn't been the same without reading about your exploits, so I can only imagine what the break has been like for you.
ReplyDelete-Beth
Beth -- well, aside from the brief and exciting respite of Spanking Court, it's been... dull. Very.... very...... DULL. And frustrating. But you already knew that, what with all my complaining. :-)
ReplyDelete"As a woman can be spanked from any side of a full moon, so the skilled theologian Top can wrest from any scripture that which will serve his purpose.” ~Zelle 1:59(am)
ReplyDeleteOn a side note: (heehee)
Ezekiel 23:19:20
Contrary to what you may think, the Bible has never shied away from talking about sex. In fact, the entire Song of Solomon is dedicated to describing a couple getting it on, complete with lines like .. "I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers". This verse is particularly explicit, though, informing us that Egyptians are hung like farmyard animals, and can ejaculate in quantities to rival the annual flooding of the Nile.
Zelle -- well played! (snicker)
ReplyDeleteYe gods. Such filth! (clapping hands over eyes)
Mel Brooks himself couldn't have come up with a better line than, "I'm Jewish, for Christ's sake!"
ReplyDeleteZelle is absolutely correct about Solomon's song, and one of the great Biblical mysteries to me is the proverbial wisdom of a man supposed to have had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. No offense to wives and concubines.
"And it came to pass upon the thirteenth day of the sixth month that the privations of the Mistress of the Blog passeth to an end, and she did rejoice, crying aloud like unto a frenzy, "HellyahLuanne!" which is to say in the Common Tongue, "Yippee!" And lo, a comely visitor didst enter into her domicile, cracking whips and cracking wise, and she murmureth to him, "Thy hand, O Guy of the New, is stern and welcome, and maketh my orbs to shine like unto the very moon in the heavens!" And he answered, "Heavens above!" and began to spanketh mightily."
From the Scroll of Wolfe
omg... "The Scroll of Wolfe" had me laughing so hard tears came to my eyes!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I laughed out loud at the "I'm Jewish, for Christ's sake!". Too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica OMG hehehe that pic of NG at church and what he wrote made me laugh so hard i can't stop laughing :-)I'm Jewish for Christ's sake! bhahaha hehehe. WOW he is going to tan your bum so bad tonight, I wish he could record it i like watching your session's with him your both so funny i love the humor and wit :-) I got a doctor appointment today so i will keep you posted :-) Love you and big hug's from your naughty girl Jade xoxo
ReplyDeleteTruly hilarious -- nothing like a guy with a sense of humour!
ReplyDeleteI've heard tell that some churches even have a "spanking room" at the back for parents to take their unruly kids during services.
Karl Friedrich Gauss
Wolfie -- HAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for likening me to Mel Brooks (and if anyone says Who?, I'm going to shoot myself), but I daresay your wit is on a par with his as well!
ReplyDeleteZelle -- I know, right?
Elder Lee -- thank you, thank you. (curtseying)
Jade -- yes, I'm in for it. Lucky me.
KF -- I have a friend who told me of rooms like that from experience; all I could say was UGH!
I really enjoyed the post... and I know who Mel Brooks is (wahoo!).
ReplyDeleteKF - As if pews weren't already hard enough on the bottom, throwing a spanking on top of that is brutal. ... Of course, so are most church services. those things go on for ever!
The Bible is full of sex, and it often ends badly or involves close family members. Those people were kinky on a level I'm not comfortable with.
"Spare the rod, spoil the blogger" - Me 2:25
Anonymous -- thank goodness, I never had to deal with church services. But having been to several Bar Mitzvahs, I can relate to the torture! YAAAAAAAWWWWWN!
ReplyDeleteNew Guy is a hoot. A top with a sense of humor? Who would've thought... As far as Mel Brooks, who could forget Robin Hood Men In Tights or Young Frankenstein? Even stupid people my age know that much. Lol.
ReplyDeleteLOL! That's great! Hope you two had a fun reunion! :)
ReplyDeleteSueNY
Lea -- a top without a sense of humor is a deal-breaker, for me. :-)
ReplyDeleteSue -- hey you! :-) Oh yes... yes we did, indeed.
Er, sorry but Jews have the same bible, only not as much of it as Christians.
ReplyDeleteThere's one particularly lurid story about a man who had male guests drop in on him, and they wanted to have their way with his sons. He said no way you're gonna violate my sons! Here, take my daughters instead. And they did. After an all-night ravishing session the daughters were dead. Sons were fine, so that was okay.
Atheism is starting to look pretty good!
Hugs,
Hermione
Hermione -- see how much I know?
ReplyDeleteAs for that story... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Yes, I am a grateful atheist.
Ha! I love the hypocrisy of it all. Makes it all the more naughty and fun.
ReplyDeletePerhaps spanking bums should be a religion; that's a religion I can get behind. ;-)
-H
Hedone -- love that name! Yeah, not to offend anyone... but really, don't people ever question this BS?
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it' Was'nt Christ, Jewish. Then after awhile, he became a 'goh', Oyeh.
ReplyDeleteSix -- that's one of the many parts I've never understood. If Jesus was a Jew, how did he become the symbol of Christianity? (that was rhetorical -- please, no one answer that!)
ReplyDeleteErica, I've been questioning, this so called BS?, all my life. I'm a Darwiniam. Theory being, survival of the fittest, Also Einstein's a nice Jewish boy's 'Big Bang' theory.
ReplyDeleteErica, Adam was not the first man on this earth. That honor go's to someone who came out of Africa. In my travels around the world, I met Dr.Leaky, who discovered, the famous fossil 'Lucy', the humanoid. He wrote a book about it. And I am sure you can this information on the internet, when you have spare time. Also you can study the start of 'Religion's. Fascinating subject matter.
ReplyDelete"I'm Jewish, for Christ's sake."
ReplyDeleteBest. Line. Ever.
Pink -- (giggling) One of my inspired moments.
ReplyDelete