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Go on.... shoo!



Monday, August 16, 2010

Me, Opinionated?

Well, yeah. A little. Sometimes. OK, maybe a little more than a little.

Recently on FetLife, someone started a thread in which they asked whom we preferred to see OTK -- a female, a male, or was it about equal? My reply was:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhm... just speaking for myself, when I see a man OTK, I want to gouge out my eyes. So it would have to be female.

All right, I'll admit that was a wee bit emphatic. However, I'm not saying I'm switch averse. I'm not saying men who bottom are wrong to do so. I'm not saying they shouldn't. I am saying that I, Erica, can't watch it.

There are many bottom females out there who won't play with a man if she even knows he's a switch. It doesn't matter if she hasn't seen him bottom; just knowing that he does screws with her head and her image of him. Thank goodness I don't feel this way, since my sweetheart is a switch. Actually, truth be told, he's mostly a bottom, even though he's a great spanker. He doesn't get spanked, though. He likes other things, which I'd rather not think about. But my knowing about these things doesn't bother me... as long as I don't have to see them. Or hear a lot of details.

Is this wrong of me? Aren't we supposed to accept all kinks and orientations? Accept, maybe. Embrace? No. Wanna watch? No. I think you can accept what another person likes in principle and say more power to them, have fun -- but that doesn't mean you care to witness it. My dear friend and top Craig likes fire play. I'm freaking terrified of fire. Doesn't mean I don't want him to do it -- I just don't want to watch it.

How the hell did a diehard bottom like me end up with a man who isn't a pure top? We love who we love. And J gives me the freedom to play with other men, as I give him the freedom to seek out femdoms. It isn't always perfect, not by a long shot. But we work on it. We used to go to BDSM parties where we'd both bottom, and we made sure we were never in the same room. I wish I could watch him enjoying himself, but I can't. It may seem unfair, since he watches me bottoming all the time, but he's not me. I can't help how I feel, so I work around it.

Some of the best spankers I've ever known are switches, but they all have one thing in common -- I don't watch them bottom. If I did, I couldn't bottom to them. All I'd see in my head is that image, and I couldn't take them seriously as a top. It is what it is, fair or not.

I've known some switch couples who alternate and top each other. I guess it takes a special kind of mind-flip that they've perfected, but I know I couldn't do it. I think even if I were a switch, I couldn't play with a man who was topping me one day and bottoming to me the next. I mean, how do you switch gears like that? This is where (for me) poly play would come in.

Anyway... yeah, I know I have strong opinions and perhaps I voice them when I should just think them. But some people have told me privately that I speak what they're thinking. Guess someone's gotta do it, huh? :-D

To the switch males with whom I've played -- I love you guys. You're great spankers. What other activities you enjoy are none of my business. But if I walk into a room and see you front-and-center OTK with your pants down around your ankles, it's going to mess with my head. Not saying that's right or wrong, it just is.

A side note: Just a friendly reminder to everyone. I don't moderate comments and I like to keep things open. But I have seen some blogs where the comments devolve into endless bratting, angry debates between commenters or crosstalk in general that goes completely off-topic. Please avoid that here. If y'all want to debate something with each other, that's what email and forums like FetLife are for, but not a person's blog. Thanks! :-)

57 comments:

  1. We are who we are and we can't help how we feel! Men bottoming is not exactly my cup of tea, but who am I to say it is right or wrong. I am like you in the sense that if they enjoy it good, I just don't necessarily want to watch. It's nothing personal to male bottoms, there are a lot of things that I don't enjoy. I mean, blood play makes me want to pass out, excessive bruising makes me squirm... but those are all just me. It's like a TV show. Go ahead and exercise your right to do it, just don't be offended when I change the channel.

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  2. Not my cup of tea either, but I respect the fact that they like yo be spanked just as much as I do.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  3. wow...

    that certainly lays it on the line.

    the two of you have the most special relationship.

    we feel the same on all points. i hope HE appreciates you....you're 1 in a 1,000,000.


    ddon

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  4. I'm totally with you, Erica. Some of the best guys are switches, but it totally screws with the psychology of the scene (for me) if I've witnessed it.

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  5. I am glad you worked things out in your relationship. It is important that people understand and accept each other for things to work out. You have done that, and you serve as an excellent example for others. The key is to communicate what you want, listen to what the other person wants, and find ways to make things work. Too many relationships fail because people are afraid to admit what they want, and because they refuse to listen and see if they can accomodate the other person. Nothing will be perfect, but if more people worked towards those general goals, things would be a lot better.

    Paul Brozon

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  6. Hello my Erica i don't like to see men bottoming either,it makes me cringe i think it's ok if they like to be spanked as long as i don't have to watch it.i think you and J are the perfect couple you both understand each other so well i am happy that you both agree on things.LOL and hugs from your naughty girl Jade xoxo :-)

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  7. Kat -- exactly. I don't sit and watch and complain. I just change the channel.

    Hermione -- fair enough, that.

    ddon -- regarding my being one in 1,000,000, I know some people out there who would say "THANK GOD!" ;-)

    barely pink -- Right? It's a headspace thing, not a judgment.

    Paul -- it's always a work in progress. We've had our problems around this; mostly with femdoms who take a liking to him and think he should leave me for them. But we deal, and I guess we must be doing something right. :-)

    Jade -- well, there's no such thing as perfection, but love helps a lot.

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  8. Compared to you I'm pretty hard core. LOL I am into many things with BDSM, but I can certainly respect the fact that you are not into those things and that you don't care for seeing a man bottom. S'ok. I like you how you are...don't go changin.

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  9. Thank you, sweetie! ME, change? Aside from my underwear, I avoid change whenever possible. ;-)

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  10. Nice Blog! Lovely wallpaper!! I've added you to my links at MarQe's Study ..

    MarQe x

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  11. Welcome, MarQe, and thank you! :-)

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  12. I would prefer seeing women as bottoms than men. But if the top were somebody I admired who was known for spanking either women or men, then I could watch with interest. I couldn't have a switch relationship with my spanking partners either. First, I am virtually 100 % spankee and I think switching in and out of roles would be challenging and distracting to my fun.

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  13. Kelly -- I know some amazing and talented female tops... but I can't watch them, either. My wiring for M/F is just too strong, I guess.

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  14. Erica,

    I wholeheartedly agree! Although for me, it is difficult knowing my Spanker has bottomed even if I haven't seen him doing it. I still imagine him in that position, and well, there goes my head space. And by the way, I can't think of a time that I haven't agreed with you on topics that may be more sensitive. So bring on the controversy. It's why we love you!

    Sophie

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  15. In my own narrow little spanking world, women get spanked by men and that's it. Anything else feels wrong to me (or at least doesn't play into what I enjoy about spanking). Now I certainly don't begrudge anyone who enjoys F/F or F/M or M/M. Not my thing and I'd rather not see it as it does nothing for me. So, simple enough, I don't watch it and avoid hearing details.

    Now probably I wouldn't phrase it as "it makes me want to gouge my eyes out", but I also recognize humour and being over the top for effect when I see it. Some people take comments way too literally and seriously.

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  16. Sophie -- believe me, I understand about that head space. I guess for me, some switches are such amazingly wonderful tops, my head cooperates and just doesn't go in that direction.

    Iggy -- Well, ya know, I figure that some people will read my phraseology and laugh, and others will think, "Geez, what a bitch." I take my chances that there will be more of the former. :-D

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  17. Erica your views represent over 90% of women, maybe more. Becall and I are of the tiny fraction that can switch with each other and love to do so.

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  18. OBB -- you think it's really as much as 90%?

    I'm happy you guys make it work -- more power to you! :-)

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  19. erica,

    no....no....NO!!!!!

    that's not what i meant.

    there should be 1,000,000 of you and none of the [i won't say it, someone might see herself] others.

    remember.....some men like a challenge.

    hit you tube for bill [william] moore's old country rock.

    bestest,

    ddon

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  20. To each their own, I suppose. I, for one, do not like watching men get spanked. It's not a "gay thing," but I think we all project ourselves into a person in those kinds of situations. If I see a woman spanking a man I'm not identifying with the woman, I'm identifying with the man, and since I'm not a bottom or switch or masochist I see that and say, "Ouch!" Not something I care to watch.

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  21. My admittedly limited experience playing with switches has left me instilled in me a huge aversion to ever doing so again, no matter what. It has only been a handful of times, but each time the switch "masqueraded" as a top.

    After a couple of spanking sessions each finally admitted to being a switch, and it did make a bit of a difference to me. However, I met with them a couple more times, when they felt comfortable enough to begin asking me to spank them. That could never happen. Then, whether it was my imagination or reality, it felt like each one then began to whine and plead for me to spank them. That was an abrupt -- and frustrating -- end to any further play. Since it has happened more than once I now will immediately stop everything once I learn that they are a switch, wish them well, and go on my not-so-merry way.

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  22. Craig -- What?? You mean you didn't like watching the gentleman at the Lair being forcibly acquainted with the big dildo? How judgmental of you! ;-)

    Pam -- That kind of deception is inexcusable, and unfortunately, it does happen. According to some women, it happens frequently. If we don't top, we don't top. No amount of pleading alters that, and it just serves as a turn-off.

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  23. Sigh! I was born to be spanked and knew it from the time I was a little boy. I was probably the only child in my 1960s Deep South school who found a trip to the principal's office a secretly fun and exciting experience. It wasn't just the school paddling, but the getting in trouble part before the spanking that was a turn on. I had to hide it from my friends, for fear of being thought weird.

    I've wished at times that I had been born female, so I could be accepted more easily as a bottom. But that really wouldn't be it for me. I like being a subbie male, and with the right chemistry, surrendering completely to a powerful woman. It's just me. I don't expect anybody else to understand -- but for those of you very special females tops out there who do understand -- thank you!

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  24. Male submissiveness makes me cringe, I have to admit. However, I love M/F, F/F, equally. A creepy sadness and cold chill comes over me when considering male-submissive sexuality in any form, and so I may dislike it even more than you! I feel a kind of involuntary pity for such men (and the women who indulge them), which I suppose may sound judgmental, but I can't help but feel that way and I do not mean it with any nastiness.

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  25. KinkyAG -- A lot of people DO understand. Thanks for speaking up, and I hope my blog didn't offend you.

    Lorraine -- you feel how you feel. Obviously, you have an inner button that's being pushed, and hard. I get this.

    My boyfriend is quick to take me down when I get too judgmental, when he says, "Remember, there are people who don't like what YOU do." (sigh) True enough.

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  26. Thanks, Erica, you've made me think.

    I like to think I'm open-minded and tolerant and all, but you're right, this pushes my buttons.

    Peace to everyone. I guess the best approach is to say I'd prefer not to see it. Like you.

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  27. Naw, no problem. I wasn't offended. I first ran into this at a Crimson Moon party down in San Antonio almost a decade ago. In the central party room were half a dozen women getting their fannies spanked with panties at half mast. When a dominant lady was nice enough to do the same for me, I was surprised that some people recoiled at the sight. We're just all different.

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  28. Surprise!! I am not going to make a smart A$$ comment. Well maybe in a bit :) I am curious as to the no switch rule. Is it because it ruins the mental image? It ruins the Banter knowing that he is spanked too? Or I wonder if it goes deeper? It is a mental block or perhaps just an attitude some have in that "I am all Brat and only a true Dom could possibly handle me?" And the fact that the person is a switch is just too deflating for the ego? For those who do not know it Spankees ha ve larger egos than the tops I think :) I hope that doesn't sound mean spirited because I am truly curious as to why women dont like to play with switch males. I say women because Lord knows we men will play with anything LOL (I wonder if that counts as a smart A$$ comment) at any rate, great topic once again Erica. I knew there was a reason I came all the way over here to read you lovely blog.

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  29. John -- speaking for myself, the "no switch" thing is about mental image (or head space, if you will), than ego or attitude. I have a strong spanking fetish for powerful, dominant and confident men, and if I see them in a submissive position and mode, it wreaks havoc with the fantasy image, and I have trouble taking them seriously as a top. Not saying it's fair or right, just that it is.

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  30. Oh You feel and believe what one feels and believes :) But judging from my own experiences, which seems to be backed up by most of the replies, you are not alone in your "dislike" of male submissives or switches. I wonder if it is just that engrained in our culture? But again a great topic as usual. I love to spank. And I also love to discuss the Science, Psycology of spanking. thanks for posting the topic. We Spankos like to think :)

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  31. My core is technically (if in the perfect relationship) very 'sub' oriented (otherwise, I'm a bottom). I had a 10 yr marriage (D/s) that was awesome till the last year. Suffice to say, it ended dangerously, and scared the crap outta me, and after a 6yr break, I then entered a relationship with a sub male. That had me Topping for 15 yrs. (for me, I felt safe.. in control, I was NOT getting hurt every again). I thought that this was the only way to stay in a scenario that kept me "in the mix" with a way of life I enjoyed.

    This was an abnormal "role" for me (considering where I truly wanted to be) .. but I made Topping work, mostly because I'm a major alpha persona, and I had the tools to pull it off successfully. However.. that scenario was slowly over the years, building major resentment.. and we dissolved that partnership for the sake of both our sanities.

    At my first public party (FMS).. I got myself caught up in the excitement of just having the guts to go, and to be fortunate enough to bottom to some excellent Tops. I also attended the Governess Gathering and Topped that weekend just to see if I could play both ends of the spectrum. (for all intents and purposes, I was a switch) About half way through 'Topping'.. I had an inner meltdown.. and realized.. I did not need to be doing this. Somehow, I managed to 'act' my way through it.

    I came away from that party.. finally knowing what I could and could not handle psychologically. I'm a M/f kinda gal.. and I truly do not think I'll ever be able to successfully Top again. And now that my 'bottoming' confidence is back, and I'm able to trust again.. there is no need for me to Top. There is no need or desire to want to see it happening to others either, where before it didn't bother me one iota to see a man over a FemDom's knees.

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  32. Zelle -- interesting journey. I hear of many women who started out as bottoms and then embraced their inner tops. But you came full circle, and now you're a pure bottom again and at peace with it. Awesome!

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  33. Sigh.....Male here, switch who likes F/M....

    I do not understand why some of the comments are so harsh.

    The switches who are not honest: I understand that.

    But: if we are going to criticize F/M, let's criticize fat spankees, minority spankees (hello Dr. Laura!), transgenders, people who are old.

    Seriously, spankos are in the minority, like gays.....do you disparage fags?

    Not your cup of tea? Fine. But no need to "gouge eyes out" or get all self righteous.

    Many "normal" women say the M/F spankings you love so much are sick. So would a lot of "normal" men. They would say you are sick and are masochists.

    So: some men like it too. No one is asking you to like it, but, maybe a little kindness and understanding? Just like you, they can't change the way they are.

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  34. Lorraine said...

    Male submissiveness makes me cringe, I have to admit. However, I love M/F, F/F, equally. A creepy sadness and cold chill comes over me when considering male-submissive sexuality in any form, and so I may dislike it even more than you!

    Sigh....creepy.....cold chill....dislike.

    You might want to ask yourself why this is; the vast majority of the population would consider it creepy and sick that you like M/F and F/F.

    F/F: female and a fatty?

    Let's talk about the elephant in the room: a lot of female spankees are fat. Odds are you are Lorraine.

    Lots of men find that disgusting.

    And old spankees: let's discriminate against them: not young, with perfect skin and perfect hair.....varicose veins, blotches.

    They are ugly and creepy.

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  35. I don't see the majority of comments as harsh per se.. just comments of people stating what floats their boat. Everyone I do believe has advocated that if it's your bag to do F/m then hey.. more power to ya! Just that it's not what most that have commented here are into.

    Anyone.. who is not honest.. is persona non grata in my book.. I don't differentiate via a lifestyle taste.

    I fail to see the criticizing.. to each his own is all.. and some folks are just adamant about what they can wrap their brains around, that's all.

    The whole genre of spankos and bdsm'ers are in a minorty. The only person I felt disparaging others was frankly when you referenced 'gays to fags'.. that was using a follow up condescending word to describe a gay person, and that was uncalled (imho).

    I don't know what classifies normal.. each person is an individual.. and who's to judge what's normal and what's not? To each his own. And thank god it's A-OK to voice that opinion in this country.

    A little kindness and understanding goes a long way.. hence the reason I'd never refer to my gay friends as 'fags'..

    ~Zelle

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  36. Zelle, I hear what you are saying--and clearly you understand, but, look at some of the language:

    Creepy

    Gouge eyes out

    Cold chill

    Makes me cringe (twice!--Jadelyn and Fat Lorraine)

    "I feel a kind of involuntary *pity* for such men (and the women who *indulge* them), which I suppose may sound judgmental

    Lorraine, do the men or women who spank your fat ass "indulge" you?

    Pretty harsh, judgmental, and hurtful words: creepy, pity, indulge.

    Hurtful like fat, ugly, old.

    What if a male spanker came on this blog and said he didn't like fat ugly old spankees--that he "pitied" them? Hey, it's true--but does that make it OK for a male spankER to say that?

    Not so nice, is it?

    Like "fags", a lot of spankos are born the way they are. Pity them if you must, but be sure to pity fags, lesbians, transgenders, furries, latex and foot fetishers--the list goes on.

    Incidentally: several of my colleagues are openly gay, married. I understood them when so many of them said they knew they were gay at a very young age--it sounded quite familiar.

    That is why I have stood and fought with gays--not always popular, I can assure you. (Think Prop 8 in California....supposedly a progressive state.)

    So: before you make cruel and judgmental comments and disparage male spankees, look in the mirror, and maybe consider putting yourself in their shoes? And instead of calling them creepy and sick, maybe go disparage jews, blacks, fatties, and furries.

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  37. And maybe it's be nice, if you'd sign your name "Anonymous" -- so we can address this anonymous person (you) with such strong convictions and desires to admonish all others, verses hiding yourself behind signing in anonymously.

    As for your Lorraine references.. you quote what suits your soapbox.. and failed to quote where she said.. "I do not mean it with any nastiness."... AT LEAST SHE SIGNED HER NAME.

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  38. Weird. Obviously my language was too strong.

    For the record, I'm 20 years old, married, bisexual, and petite.

    I am sincerely sorry if I offended anyone.

    I don't know what else to say.

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  39. Lorraine.. you rock... just consider the source hon'...
    oh wait.. we can't.. it's anonymous.

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  40. Sigh....the Old and Fat comment got to Zelle.

    That your real name "Zelle"?

    Last name "Zelle"?

    Erica Scott: her REAL name "Zelle"?

    "Lorraine": yep, that narrows it down "Zelle".

    Call me Ishmael.

    PS: Zelle, post your first and last name and phone number...would you please?

    And street address?

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  41. It's Zelle Ladoux.. and I do have ways for folks to contact me here that are public, so that I can then start some correspondence AND get to know them.. and then as friendships develop.. those deemed respectful and trustworthy will be privy to the particulars you wish to receive without even a pleasantry exchanged in email. (oy vey) Why on earth would I give that into to an antagonistic type anyhow. We can have a discussion here without bashing ya know.

    Not to worry Erica.. I'm done here. Should have seen the forest through the trees.. one of these days I'll learn. LOL

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  42. Thanks, Zelle, for the words of support.

    I din't mean it all judgmentally any more than I would if I said, for example, Thrash Metal makes me feel queasy and despairing--which it does. This is not an accusation or moral assessment of those who like it, just an honest statement of how it makes me feel.

    Perhaps that

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  43. Lorraine.. Welcome darlin'.. You see.. I get you.. I knew that was not coming from a 'hateful' place.. and really.. I personally forgot.. that occasionally we run into types that will come in and attempt to commandeer a blog in a not so nice antagonistic manner, and I should totally ignore them and allow the blog owner to run rough shod. Old habits die hard.. but even an "old dog" like myself CAN learn new tricks! (grins) - and I'll not make the mistake of engaging again when I feel the red flag waving. :-)

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  44. http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=45444181&blogId=533605365

    OHhhhh the similarities! I actually LIKE the name "Zelle" a lot.. and have a time or two contemplated changing my name TO ZELLE! LOL... Everyone that has met me... after they had been talking to me for ages as Zelle... STILL CANNOT USE MY REAL NAME! LOL (granted.. my real name is not easy.. it's "RUSSIAN".. LOL.. and everyone screws that pronunciation up!)

    I realized that I needed a LAST NAME for my new nom de plume "ZELLE".. and it should sound French! The name "LADOUX" sounds great! Here is why:


    ~Zelle Ladoux


    "Zelle", you are a hypocrite: you are posting anonymously. Your screen name? LaDoux: Russian?

    Mais non.

    Erica Scott is not a real name--if it is, I will apologize, but I don't think it is.

    Neither is Zelle.

    "Bashing": do the words Creepy, Chill, Cringe, Pity mean anything to you? Words have great power--I think you know this. Dr. Laura sure does--she is canceling her radio program because she said "nigger" publicly.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/dr-laura-schlessinger-vows-back-quitting-radio-show/story?id=11426277

    You were with someone who was abusive you said--how did the words he use feel?

    Proudly signed,

    Ishmael Russinski

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  45. Like I said.. those that are respectful, and whom have earned my trust.. do get to come into my inner circle. You Sir, will clearly not be one of them.

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  46. Dear Lorraine,

    apology accepted, and let me apologize too for the harsh tone and harsh words.

    But that is what those words are, harsh and cruel, and they hurt more than any whip. Believe me, they do.

    Not all male spankees are "creepy".

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Johnson_%28writer%29

    http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2010/0809/opinions-paul-johnson-current-events-obama-anti-british.html

    Well, he's old, I guess that makes him creepy now. He's 81.

    I personally know two men on this list

    http://www.forbes.com/2009/09/29/forbes-400_rich-list-09_all_slide_2.html

    who are males spankees.

    Yes, I know their real names, no I am not going to out them.

    Doc Tsai, really an MD, was outed at work:

    http://www.doctsai.com/

    He is a switch. Creepy? No, it's not.

    Doc Tsai's struggle: Sound anything like the struggle Gays contend with every day, including today? Think it's fair that he is being discriminated against because of his sexual interests?

    I don't.

    Blacks, gays, immigrants, women: they had to fight for the "rights' they now enjoy--though clearly, we are still not all equal. And that's in the US.

    Middle East anyone? Does it scare you how they treat women and gays there?

    It scares me.

    Anyway, if would be nice if male spankees were at least tolerated, and not treating with contempt.

    Ishmael Russinski

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  47. Zelle, you are an anonymous hypocrite.

    You anonymously criticize anonymous post. The irony is rich.

    And you, who "indulged" sick creepy men and spanked them: Have you no shame?

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  48. But I have seen some blogs where the comments devolve into endless bratting, angry debates between commenters or crosstalk in general that goes completely off-topic.

    How prophetic of you :-)

    This is an interesting debate, one that I once considered writing about. On my site one time a commenter remarked "I like M/F spanking, it is the ONLY natural way"

    So I thought to myself "What about those for whom spanking is wired to their childhood?". From what I know it was MORE than natural for a young lad to be punished by either sex. How would that be any less 'Natural'?

    Now on the topic at hand, I have found one thing to be true, honesty is liberating. There is nothing that can change your feeling, Erica, though clearly you understand what people deal with. We all have a truthful aspect to what it is that we enjoy and what we don't. Even if I disagreed with your thoughts, the bottom line is, they ARE your thoughts.

    I know I didn't add much to the conversation, but I have things in the spanking world that do and don't work for me as well, so I understand.

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  49. Richard -- thank you. THAT was a perfect example of agreeing to disagree, civilly.

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  50. Dear Richard,

    thank you for your kind and compassionate words.

    My point: harsh words hurt; men who need (note the word: need, not want) to get spanked have feelings too, just like gays, lesbians, blacks, or members of various religious minorities--

    Gays don't ask straights to go gay, blacks don't ask whites to wear ochre make up--but they don't like prejudice, fear, and hateful hurtful words.

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  51. Maybe somebody can explain to me how this is not Erica's blog and she can not post her personal opinion. Erica and I do not agree on several major life style issues but I will defend her right to have her opinion. Where does it say that you must agree to read her blog. I stopped using the "SirHal' because I got tried of having to explain it all the time. It had nothing, zero, zip to do with any life style it had to do with the United States Navy.

    If Erica was not sassy she would not be Erica. She has a large following and I hope she can ban the jerk that started the attack. She sure does not need him or her as a member. She had lots of friends that love her. We understand her. if you don't agree or like her opinion or the opinion of the members who follow her then please leave and don't come back. Trust me, you will not be missed.

    Lorrine, Zelle and others. Just ignore the insults and consider the source. Probably a king size jerk that needs attention so he attacks. All he is trying to do get attention. Maybe somebody can toss him a doggy bone.

    Hal

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  52. Hal -- I love you, I do. But this is exactly what I don't want -- name-calling. You could have made your point (and I appreciate the defense, I do) without calling him a jerk. Now he can feel free to come back on here, call YOU a name, and it starts again.

    Please... modify, folks. Think for a second before you post, reread. If there's anything in there that you think is a direct attack on someone, it's best to excise it. Points are best made when they are clean and direct, without mud attached.

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  53. Sheesh... I always end up reading an Erica blog way late. If I may add something that is on topic and with no name calling...
    Years back when I was with a certain female who will remain unnamed, I would spank her when ever I had the chance. We had a cheap flogger that I used sometimes. Well one day she dressed up sexy and had me watch her dance around in the bedroom while she played with the flogger. After a while one thing led to another and we were in bed. She made some attempts at the F/M thing, but I wouldn't let her. I felt like she was trying to dominate me and I did not want that. I felt that I was in charge or the Dom or something and this would lessen my manhood to allow her to flog me. I look back now on it and feel like I maybe I should have let my ego deflate and just had fun.

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  54. OS9 -- You'll just have to read sooner! :-)

    Well, here's my take on your story. Are you a switch? If you are, then yeah, you probably could have relaxed and let her initiate and do an F/M scene. However, if you are NOT a switch, and she was trying to impose a topping scene onto you when it's not your thing, then I would say that was inappropriate and you had the right to say no, don't do that.

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  55. I think this is a fascinating topic and one that pushes buttons as Erica said earlier.

    I feel the same way as Erica but what I find so interesting is why we have these strong feelings. I would love to peruse the topic and write about it but such a mine field is a bit scary.
    I am horrid late to the party.

    This wall paper is fabulous!

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  56. Hi Poppy! Well, you had other things going on, certainly. :-)

    Our fetishes are powerful things. When something appeals to them, we are all a-swoon with chemicals surging that buoy our spirits. When an image that goes contrary to our fetish desire appears before our eyes, we have the opposite reaction. It's physical, emotional and psychological, I think. And we can't help it. The secret is learning how to express those feelings (or not, as the case may be).

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  57. I think we just had to many control issues between us. I know for a fact that I am not a sub. As far as being a switch, I don't know because I can not get over the idea that if you get spanked then you are being controlled and subjugated to the spanker. There is just something inside me that just cannot do that. Perhaps because spanking was used for erotic and punishment reasons when I was with my ex. Who knows. Bottom line though I love M/F spanking all the time. F/M is fine to me depending on the circumstance and the female.

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