We talked beforehand. I thought I was all cried out, but dammit, I wasn't. I guess I never am.
He was concerned, very caring, and asked me what I wanted. I said, "I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want you to handle me with kid gloves."
"No?"
"No. I won't shatter."
I just wanted to go someplace else for a while. He knew. He took me there.
We did not banter tonight. He did not scold. It wasn't necessary.
Afterward, I couldn't move for a long time. He lay on the carpet next to my chair, let me recover. Eventually, I scooted off the chair onto the carpet next to him and put my head on his chest. And there we stayed. I didn't fix my clothes, I did nothing. Just felt the burn and sting and let my breathing settle back down.
Quite a while later, he got up. I stayed prone on the carpet, and he took a picture then. Of course, I was mostly faded. But I don't get much more relaxed than this.
I'm not sure how I feel about last night's blog. Part of me is rather embarrassed by it. Still, I don't wish to delete it. It was honest.
Thank you for all the supportive comments. Funny how they ran the gamut, with the two polarities ranging from, "Don't do it, you don't need it" to "Go for it." I know cosmetic surgery is a hot button topic, and some people are fiercely against it. Here's my take: I don't like it when it's used as a panacea; when people think it will fix their lives. It won't. I don't like it when it's done to extreme and people are left with freakish frozen masks. I hate the idea of Botox; I just can't wrap my head around shooting poison into my face.
HOWEVER. Life is not easy, and like it or not, looks do matter. If someone has something or another that is fixable, that would make them feel better, more confident, whatever, if it were addressed, then I'm all for fixing it. If they can afford it, if they are safe about it and do their research, if they had their heads screwed on straight beforehand... more power to them, I say.
But I'm cannot condone paying for things I can't afford to pay for. No matter how much I want them. I just can't. So I have to work this out some way, or let it go.
John sent me flowers today. I came home from the gym and found them on my doorstep.
It's now 24 hours since I wrote my last blog. Nothing has changed in those 24 hours; my situation and my feelings are the same. But thanks to the love of two wonderful men and some supportive friends, I'm at peace with unresolved problems. Those damned nattering negative voices have been stifled.
No matter how sad, scared or crazed I get, I don't lose sight of what I have. Even through my tears, I'm aware that I'm lucky in so many ways.
So drowsy. I believe I will sleep well tonight.
Lovely bottom there my dear . as for the other issue , the ONLY cosmetic i would recommend is if they could give your bottom a permanent pink glow. :-)
ReplyDeleteThere is alot to be said for becomming mature gracefully , in my opinion there isnt a woman any sexier than Jamie lee curtis , why because she is doing exactly that . You are a lovely person , good looking and quite sexy yourself .
Hi Erica, WOW you look so relaxed in that pic.I am glad that ST could take you to a place you wanted to be he is such an AWESOME top VERY caring :-)John is a WONDERFUL and caring man to send you BEAUTIFUL flowers :-) Were the flowers a peach color? Cause i know that's the color he give's you which is so sweet :-) Love you and sending you big hugs XOXO From your naughty girl Jade
ReplyDeleteVERY sexy post spanking pose!
ReplyDeleteGlad you have more peace of mind knowing you're cared for and supported.
Erica,
ReplyDeleteYou have nothing to be embarrased about. I don't know a single person who doesn't have some vanity. It is when we are able to cast that aside and realize that it is who we are, not what we look like, that is the real person. Yeah, you have heard that umpteen times and I have to tell you the truth, too: I don't particularly enjoy being over-weight! LOL
I love that picture of you in relaxation and sort of in lala land. I am hoping I can go there, even if only for a short time, the next time I am spanked.
Your honesty is a treasure worth more than any of the riches of this world.
Alan -- well, I'm ashamed to admit this, but honesty prevails. You think Jamie Lee Curtis is sexy. I look at her and think, "Damn... she used to be so gorgeous and sexy, and now she has gray chopped-off hair and she's hawking yogurt that makes you poop. And she's a year younger than I am. UGH!" I guess I just can't get with the program on that ageing gracefully bit.
ReplyDeleteJade -- yes, you know it; they are peach-colored.
Kelly -- LOL... for once, I wasn't trying to be sexy. I was just in my blissful place.
Bobbie Jo -- you will go there. I'm sure you will.
I'm very happy you're better! The support does make all the difference, eh?
ReplyDeleteKurt Vonnegut wrote about how, as a Luddite, he composed and revised his stuff on his battered old typewriter, then put it in an actual paper envelope, and took it down to the Post Office to mail.
He detailed all the interaction with various people he had along the way, and finished the piece saying, 'The moral of the story is, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
;-)
Dave -- Betty White, whom I adore, said on Leno (or Fallon, I forget) that she wrote her earlier books in longhand. Said that's the way John Steinbeck wrote too, and if it was good enough for Steinbeck, it was good enough for her. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, lovely. You are so fortunate (and rightfully so) to have so many people caring about you.
ReplyDeleteXX,
Pink
It took me a minute to remember who ST was. Not used to the change yet. Lol. I'm glad him and John were both there for you and hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeletePink -- I am indeed. It means a lot.
ReplyDeleteLea -- LOL! Yeah, the spanker formerly known as New Guy.
Looks do matter. We tend to avoid talking about it because it's pretty much equivalent to saying "Life's not fair" and we generally don't want to encourage feelings of envy and dissatisfaction in others.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about plastic surgery. For a long time I thought there was no justification for it. But then as a man who prefers small breasts, I may have had a vested interest. One day flipping through one of those free health and wellness magazines that are filled with plastic surgery ads, I saw one that had the silhouette of a girl seated at the piano. Her body was mostly turned towards the brightly lit window in the background, but you could see that she had a very prominent nose. Total visual cliche, I'm a bit embarrassed that anything so heavy handed would have any effect on me. I've never forgotten the picture. All the old saws about building character, and handicaps being challenges that will come to be viewed as "terrible gifts", and the importance of being grateful for what one has are true. I'd be a fool to argue with any of that. And at the same time, they're sometimes trotted out as reasons to avoid taking advantage of opportunities.
Maybe I had such a strong dislike of it because there's so many clients who look worse off for the service. A friend of mine was going out with a stripper at the high end club in his city and she was supposedly bringing in as much, if not more cash than anyone else working there. She would have been stunning by any standard - beautiful face and a slender, lithe dancer's (as in real dancer) body. The implants made her look freakish, like a 14 year old's notebook drawing come to life. Whenever I would look at her the word "mutilated" came to mind. But hell, what do I know? She said that when she returned to the club after her surgery, the difference in tips was immediate and substantial.
Wow that was long. Shorter version: I agree!
Stay strong.
ajr -- I really can't speak to the breast issue. Mine are small. My mother had hers enhanced, substantially. I think it had something to do with growing up with a father who regularly insulted her mother's somewhat flat chest.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, people suck. We do what we can to bolster and enrich our insides, but sometimes, it takes a little help on the outside.