Much better, thank you

As always, the down times pass. I don't quite comprehend my chemistry and what makes me go into my dark cave sometimes, but I can always see the light outside. For many years, I would stay in the abyss feeling like there was no way out. Now, my depressions are short-lived and open-ended. For this, I am grateful.

Kind and supportive friends help a great deal. Oh, and getting Chrossed today didn't hurt either. :-D  Thank you very much, Mr. Chross. And congratulations to all his other choices this week.

Two things today indicate that I am over my funk: 1) I actually wanted to get out of bed this morning; and 2) I am once again craving spanking like nobody's business. Fortunately, New Guy has written to me, informing me that he is much better and I can count on seeing him this coming Monday. It's been three weeks; how spoiled I've become, because I used to go much, MUCH longer than that. But now it feels like forever. I can't wait to see him.

This afternoon, I find myself fixated on kinky photos all over the place, and not just of the spanking variety. In fact, I've been "perving" FetLife photos that have nothing to do with spanking, and this mystifies me. But they definitely have everything to do with dominance.

I have never (at least not consciously) EVER had any sort of abduction fantasies. I suppose the roleplay of being spanked against my will is a roundabout form of abduction, but the whole kidnapping thing, the damsel in distress being threatened by a menacing man? Hasn't entered my mind.

So why, on FetLife, do I keep returning to these photos, again and again? (from Anton Video):

These pictures make my heart pound. Why?

OK, duhhhh. The guy is freaking gorgeous. But besides that.

It's the look on his face, in his eyes. His absolute power. Her helplessness. He will have his way, no matter what, and there isn't a blessed thing she can do about it. Does something in me crave that as well?

Of course, in the videos from whence these pictures came, he doesn't spank her. I would lose interest as soon as he started defiling her however they portray that sort of thing in bondage/abduction/humiliation videos. But say if he broke in, snuck up on her and had his way with her, spanking-wise? "Don't you scream," he'd whisper to her. "It will only hurt for a little while." Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I guess this all figures into the "consensual non-sensuality" phenomenon. Intellectually, I know I choose everything that happens to me, regarding spanking play. But the pretense that it's out of my hands and into his -- very powerful, and soooo damned exciting.

OK, Erica. Snap out of it. Go work out.

It's only February 4, but John is already singing goofy Valentine songs and wishing me "happy Valentine season." He knows I'm a sucker for all that romantic blather, bless his heart. Stupid commercial holiday that it is, I still love it. Can't wait to see him tonight either. :-)

Happy Stupor... er, Super Bowl weekend, y'all.