PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's https://ericalscott.wordpress.com. Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here: www.wonderbread.com

Go on.... shoo!



Friday, August 13, 2010

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/13

First CHoS on my new blog! Before I get started, however, I have a few more thanks to bestow.

I've already thanked Richard and Bonnie for their blog entry shout-outs to me, and now I can add Craig, Juju and Zelle to the list. OK, now people must truly be sick of me. Who is this Erica and why is she on every damn blog I look at? :-) Thanks, guys. Oh, and all those MySpace jokes? Pretty damn funny.

Also, thanks to Marie for sending me a reduced version of my photo. The original size was just a bit much--you could count every freckle on my forearm, for God's sake.

I don't have many entries this week for a CHoS, but I simply had to post one, so I thought it would be fun to go back into my old blog archives and find the very first CHoS. It dates back to April 20, 2007--can't believe I've been doing this for over three years!

Pasted below is the introductory column. Anyone remember it?

As y'all have seen, I get some pretty tacky and obnoxious messages/emails/IMs sometimes. I have often said I'm going to compile them and write a book, but I can't do that if I don't keep track of them. Therefore, I'm starting a new feature here: Whenever I get a really good (bad) one, I'm posting it in the Correspondence Hall of Shame.

I was going to call it the Idiot/Boor/Clueless Jackass of the Week, or something like that, but sometimes I get more than one in a week, and other weeks I get none. So, I'll just post them when the mood strikes.

I will NOT use any names. And if someone writes me a well-intentioned and polite note, I won't post it just because it has poor spelling/grammar. This isn't about ridiculing people; it's just about expressing my frustration with artless correspondence. And hopefully to make a few of you laugh, and nod your heads in commiseration!

Today, we have two. The first one was sent on my Alt.com profile. I am very specific on that profile--I make sure the readers know I'm looking for spanking only, I'm not seeking sex, I'm not a submissive, etc. But still, I get notes like this one:

I like to warm up a sexy ass before I gently fuck it. If anal is a hard limit, I may allow you to give me a nice blowjob as a reward for all the work I put into "tanning your ass."

Isn't that classy! Hello... did I say anything about wanting sex, anal or otherwise? And you'll allow me to give you a blowjob? Excuse me, pal, but spanking me isn't work, it's a privilege. :-Þ

And here's our second offering:

I would like to put a firm hand on that bueatiful rear end.Some things about me. I had a prostate promblem so my dick dosnt work so good. That is way i am looking for new ways of entainment.

(groaning) Can you say TMI, kids?

Yes, these are real. You may now wipe the spewed coffee/tea/whatever off your computer monitor.

And here are the newest entries:

lovely pussy
u are amazing at 52

(sigh) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a walking miracle. We all know that 52 is ancient. (looking around) Where is this cat of which you speak?


Oh, there she is. Leave her the hell alone.




















No intro to this one, no hello, just this:

asrwe you going to las vegas

Yesrw, I asrwm.

having any luck getting your butt beat? ever feel the rubber strap on your ass? it well leave a welp

No, actually, it won't. It will leave a welt or a weal, dumbass.

Ack -- it's Friday the 13th. Hope everyone has a safe and lucky day, and have a great weekend, y'all.

See how much fun I have reading all this stupidity?

29 comments:

  1. A "welp" is what one feels when one has nothing more to say, according to the Internet Urban Dictionary. Thus, I do believe the gentleman (and I am certain he is a gentleman) was indeed misuing the word "welp". I suspect, if someone were using a rubber strap, you would feel you have something to say about it.

    I love your CHOS. Being a bit dyslexic, I always fear someday I will accidentally make your CHOS, but, at least I won't mean it when I say it wrong.

    Great blog. Keep writing. We fans love it.

    Paul Brozon

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  2. OMG my Erica i can not stop laughing you are so frickin funny the pic of the kitty cat is so funny and cute, leave her the hell alone hehehe and when you said welt and whelp and dumbass i almost fell on the floor for laughing hehehe your the greatest blogger in the world i Love you big hugs from your naughty girl Jade xoxo :-)

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  3. To me, to whelp is to give birth to puppies. I assumed welp was simply the American spelling.

    Hey girl, you got CHROSSED!!!

    Congrats!
    Hermione

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  4. Paul -- I have indeed felt a rubber strap. Trust me, I had quite a bit to say about it.

    Jade -- thanks, sweetie.

    Hermione -- So did you, darlin'! Yay for both of us. I STAND CORRECTED -- whelp is indeed giving birth to puppies. I spaced out; I had meant to type "weal" instead. It's been edited. Thanks for keeping me on my toes!

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  5. AQ

    52 isnt old my dear lady . It is in mho a perfect age . Old enouge to know better and still young enough to enjoy the spanking you get from ignoring the old enough to know better !

    As for the smaller pic , the freckles on your arm didnt intrest me as much as the freckles on your lovely bottom . " Smiles "

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  6. As always a rib-tickling entry, Erica! But the best part is that sarcasticly sexy answer to the age-old phone/IM question, "So-- whaddaya wearin'?"

    Well done, well done!! :D

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  7. Oh, by the way-- your new blog is CHROSSed this week!!

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  8. Anal sex and THEN a blow job... wow... what an offer! It makes us wonder though, messages like this aren't unheard of (by any stretch). So... does that mean the tactic ~sometimes~ works? Do messages like this ~sometimes~ get a...

    "OMG, YES! I am so glad you wrote me. You have no idea how long I've been looking for a guy that is open to anal sex followed by a blow job!"

    ... seems unlikely that has EVER happened. So is the thrill just in writing the note? It wouldn't seem that being ignored/rejected would be a turn-on, but maybe that isn't part of the equation. Or, maybe that IS part of it... and it's sort of like flashing... where the thrill is getting a reaction (even a negative one)?

    We do wonder what the motivation is.

    :)
    ~Todd & Suzy
    americanspankingsociety.com

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  9. Thank you for the recap of your myriad of spanking contacts misadventures you so willingly experience just to entertain us. Long live the MANY the proud, the clueless jackasses. :)

    Sorry for the uncharacteristic of me mischief I am posting below this sentence. Hey it's a "holiday" and a Friday combined. I am feeling playful.

    arrsz u gonna git you but beet?

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  10. Eek... my Keyboard Virus did it again. "Sarcastically." Sonnuva!! Sometimes this thing will allow reply edits and sometimes not?? Tech and I don't get along.

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  11. Hey, Erica! Nice new CHoS! Woo-hoo! (even though it is, technically, an old one...)

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  12. AQ -- y'know, I think (?) my bottom is one of the few places I don't have freckles. Not many, anyway.

    Wolfie -- I haven't gotten that inane question for a while! I'll bet I will, now.

    Todd & Suzy -- Hellifino. Wishful thinking, perhaps? Utter cluelessness? No life?

    Kelly -- Spelling notwithstanding, I certainly hope so!

    Craig -- Well, only part of it is old (and I prefer CLASSIC, thank you). ;-)

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  13. Hmmmmmmmmm Would it be possible m'lady for me to count them for you and then see if I can make them disappear in a beautifull red glow ?

    BTW I am another 50 somthing sooooooo believe me , this is best time of life

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  14. AQ

    It would seem that some feel that if a person is a bottom or sub that it somehow says they should not get any respect ?

    EVERYONE deserves respect , just because a lovely woman wishes to be spanked doesnt imply she doesnt deserve the respect , quite the contrary . I respect a woman who has the faith and trust in me to give her the discipline she wants / needs .

    Maybe im just old school

    BTW the I would still like to count the freckles on your bottom for you "smiles"

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  15. *snicker* People are really...something.. :D Oy vey. So glad you posted this, I had a good giggle over it :) Celine

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  16. Anonymous -- it is, huh? Wish I had your outlook!

    AQ -- respect, for some, is indeed old school, sadly. But it still exists. :-)

    Celine -- Lots more where that came from!

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  17. Too damn funny! (loving that snarling cat pic too! roflmao!)

    I think we have to just resign ourselves to the fact that MOST MEN ARE VISUAL ONLY CREATURES ... they don't like to read,.. that's just too much work to have to do that.. cause that leads to having to think .. and god forbid they have to put two thoughts together and come up with a reply that corresponds with what you've written about yourself on a profile!

    I have had a "Master" writing me.. even though my profile on Fetlife says "BOTTOM" right there at the very TOP. (rolls eyes)
    Today he writes and says.. "I can feel we have a connection, and, I've always liked blond hair, blue eyes, a big full ass, and older women."...
    WELL GEE.. Now doesn't that just give ya a case of the warmy fuzzies?... Why must they make you feel like a piece of meat? Where is a modicum of class.. cause there ARE ways to say you like my J-Lo butt without saying 'big full ass'.. (oy vey!)

    ~Zelle

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  18. sounds like he got mixed up in some Rubber Soul with a little "whelp from HIS friends".......

    Butt, seriously, I don't think HE NEEDS ANYBODY....
    -------------------------
    "Oh, a wise guy, eh? nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

    WHY SOITENLY


    So glad you moved!!
    MYSPAZZZZ.......is for kids........I retired from there many many moons ago..........

    S_S

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  19. AQ

    Ok young lady "grins" enough messing around here . I think you should post a clip of you getting your lovely bottom well spanked that we havent seen "grins might be tough huh " as a initiation " cant spell " to blogspot .
    ( throws up hand to volinteer to assist )

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  20. Well Erica Scott

    you certainly bring a smile to the face of a spanker hell anyone for that matter

    i enjoyed your former blog and i expect the same entertainment from this...missy or else blow job and whelp for you hahahahahahahaha

    thank you for sharing
    Brent

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  21. i'm glad i didn't make the hall of shame yet [just give me time].


    you'e got a great blog.

    more later, got to check out rw's streaming stuff.


    best ddon

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  22. Zelle -- a big full ass?? Lemme at him! grrrrr

    S_S -- are you a fellow Beatles fan?

    AQ -- everyone's seen my pictures, I'm afraid. Guess I need some new ones.

    Brent -- I will certainly do my best to keep up the same level of entertainment. :-D

    ddon -- don't worry. You won't end up on it, I promise.

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  23. Yes I am a fellow Beatles fan

    and a Dark Shadows fan.....
    (looking forward to the new movie with Johnny D)
    ........yeah, I know how you hate the thought....


    Sybian_Slaves
    S_S

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  24. 'kin i spank ya sometime cuz i likess cheerry red bums an stuff and cheery red spankins. u r hot. where u from. bye.

    ;-)

    Dave

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  25. zelle, most men i know are readers. i'm averaging about a book a day now. maybe you're looking in all the wrong places. for a 6 oy veh book try round the bend by neville shute.

    erica.... ebay should have a double cd set of the small faces called the boys[lads] from wapping. i can't say enough.

    before you go to you tube get this and give it a good listen. the 2nd side of ogdens [starting with happiness stan] is a quest. stunning.

    all...try and find a film "the man from earth"...an incredable indie.


    ddon

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  26. Hi ddon, I'm not consciously looking to see whom the readers are or not .. I'm observing, and forming an opinion of what I see and hear as I traverse through a plethora of social situations in my own life.

    As somewhat of a writer (well, more of a re-writer), every time I see an image that evokes emotion, my mind bristles and I'm forced to think: "Damn. Look at what writers are up against!" We're in an instant gratification world. So? Who wants to read when they can simply 'view'?

    Pictures only evoke a few emotions.. but the written word can bring out every emotion know to man - you are well aware of that, as I am. A picture can take us to a spot...but words can make us feel like we are standing there.

    Like many men I know, our ADD minds are drawn to the visual- it is a quick and easy fix for us. But when an author can get my attention through his/her words it is a journey i will never forget. The trick for a writer is to win over the lazy minds that simply want to 'view'.

    Unfortunately, there is a generation out there, many of whom have never (EVER!) read more than one or two books cover-to-cover. (Only what they may have been forced to read in school.) You can almost tell their minds lack dimension because they simply don't read. Their entertainment is visually spoon-fed to them and their minds have suffered from the atrophy caused by non-use. Every time I hear someone say they're 'bored' I wanna smack 'em upside the head and say: "No. You're not bored. You're boring!"

    (sorry Erica.. (got a little sidetracked) I'll go back to my corner now.. and read.)

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  27. Hello,

    I'm a relatively new reader to your blog and feel somewhat awkward posting on someone's space when I don't really know them, but this post was hilarious. I'm in a coffee shop, and I've now become that weirdo who chuckles to herself in public.

    I've never understood why men do this or send unsolicited (and very unwanted) penis photos. On the plus side, I see it as an automatic creeper filter and put them on a checklist of people to avoid.

    -Beth

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  28. Hi Beth -- Welcome! Feel free to comment any time, and I'm glad you enjoy the CHoS. Stay tuned; there's another one coming this Friday. :-)

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